That special friend..

Today ain't Friendship Day to post something "special" about friends- nor do I have an extraordinary mood swing, which is typical of paranoids like me. Yet some beautiful relations are independent of days or occasions, and one such relation is that of friendship!

I am a social person- have many friends added on my facebook, keep in touch with few people through comments and likes  (Honest confession-I am a victim of FAD- Facebook Addiction Disorder) and regularly send forwarded messages to all contacts on my phone. Yes, I am contended to mark my presence in the crowd- to be noticed, needed, acknowledged, and appreciated! I keep increasing my social circle with each new person I meet..It makes me feel alive-- I spend more time interacting with my online friends than I can afford to spend with those who were once my close buddies.

I do forget my friend’s birthdates, and rely on facebook to remind me.

I like and comment on the updates of my facebook contacts, even if I have not interacted with them since ages!

I usually find few friends online and can spend time chatting with them. That is my best timepass..:)

Yet, sometimes, even in a crowd I feel alone, experience some inexplicable feelings that I myself do not understand, the void that none of the online contacts on social networking sites can fill...

And that is the moment of realization!

When I realize the difference between "friends" and "real " friends.

At such weak moments, sometimes I scroll through my entire contact list on phone, and find no one to call, no one to share. All the forwarded messages become a junk, all online "friends" turn into "contacts" and then I realize how I am becoming  "social" but loosing the "real "friends!

Some assets are irreplaceable; there are few people who do not have any blood relation but a direct connection of hearts- they are not lovers, yet the bond is stronger than love! That's real friendship!

Each one of us has some such special friend, but unfortunately, we often tend to ignore them. Their presence is life is like a candle, which is remembered only in the dark..

A true friend is the one who understands you completely < or at least tries to understand> , someone who accepts you as "you"- no pretence, no pre-notions, a person who may be out of sight - but never out of mind..When even in the direst of situation- just a casual conversation can lighten up your mood..Such is the magic of real friendship...never bounded by time or distances! No Demands, no complaints- but a pure relation of care and trust.

I wish to remind everyone to spare a minute out of the "virtual facebook world" and get in touch with your "real friends"...make them feel special and cherish the beauty of this lovely relation!

Don't let that candle be put at such a place, that it becomes inaccessible during the dark!

Keep it handy! Keep it close!

Happy Rakshabandhan...

Happy Rakhi to all the siblings!

I miss the awesome celebrations -- at home, when there used to be a variety of sweets and colourful rakhis to choose for each brother , who in turn used to take special care of sisters.Getting up on time, and preparing the meethi Sivai and Raam Rakhis, and choosing for special dishes to be prepared for that day.The fast we did before tying the Rakhi and doing the pooja.That day even the fights were reduced and Bhai talked extra sweetly , though just for a day. :-P
I even recall warning my bhai at times that if he fought with me, then I wont tie him a rakhi and blackmailing him for following days to do my work, owing to his promise of taking care of me :-P
In school, Rakhi was an alltogether different celebration, while there were some guys who bought chocolates or small gifts from their pocket money to fulfill the tradition and proudly added few more sisters to their list each year,while there were some others who ran away from tagging the sweet friendship as brotherhood.
There were some who had no real sisters and thus valued the "mooh boli behen" as dearly as real sisters, while their were some girls who made brothers just to avoid spreading rumors about being in a relationship with that guy ...
So many crushes were crushed . :-P
Rakhi was just about celebrations , good food and good income in my childhood - a tradition followed blindly..

As i grow up,I try to understand the real reason for this celebration and the meaning of this relation. I feel Rakhi is a festival to celebrate a true relation, which connects to the heart and stays intact forever, even despite distances or time . It is not about sweets, or gifts , or even the symbolic thread and tilak..it is about trust and a promise to be there - as a support system.
Some times even "mooh bola bhai behen" bond can be stronger than the biological siblings, sometimes even a younger brother can help his sister , by just being around.Sometimes, even a sister can just protect her brother, by supporting him mentally and emotionally..
Its all about love !
No sister would want expensive gifts , or long conversations from a brother, all they would need is a faith , a confidence and a belief that they have someone to rely on, to care for them - unconditionally!
We do not want you to fight for us , like a filmy hero, but we just need you around , day in and day out- to tease, to fight, to laugh with, to talk and to get guidance .
Rakhi is not just a festival for one day, but a promise to be fulfilled over lifetime.. :-)

Fear

" Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up
into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason
has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action---
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake."

These are the lines from a poem by Tagore, one which we were made to read as a part of our curriculum in Class 10th. Unknowingly, some lines from it struck to my head, and are frequently reminded by certain incidences in daily life.
I am forced to think about the extent to which Tagore's wish has been fulfilled..and sadly, I conclude his foresightedness about our country's devastated affairs has won over the simple wish of "Freedom" , which appears a justified human right.
Recently,in context to the rape case of a 5 yr old girl in New delhi, like every concerned Indian,  i too was discussing the safety of fairer sex in our country.As the conversation flowed, we all added our personal experiences about eve teasing and the routine mis- happenings that are so common in our daily life.
There were 4 of us , and to my surprsie, everyone had few disheartening personal experiences to share. Being females, we could very well understand each other's grief, and could relate well. We almost sympathized with each other, and yet, while discussing all this stuff..there was an inexplicable sense of helplessness.
A void feeling, a feeling of embarrassment, a feeling of fear, a feeling of being petite, a feeling of being weak...and an unspeakable shame! Shame on the country where we live, shame on the society where we sustain and shame on the mindset of people.
Each of us had a gush of anger, and we all spoke the same thing " Why were we to suffer! What gave guys the license to do away with anything! How would guys feel if the same attitude was adapted towards them. What pleasure would a sane human derive by harassing another innocent human! Why was all this so so common! Why did people take things for granted! And how could this be curbed! "
After narration of any such incidence, there was a sad silent phase..that moment of silence was the deadliest one. It was suffocating.
What was even more heart shattering was our own reaction to such incidences.
After 2-3 incidences, one would get instigated and would say that "It's unfair to be silent! Atleast some answer should be given to these bastards...even if its just a slap!" and the very next moment, others would advise her- " You don't need to be a Jhansi Ki Raani. You alone can not bring the change, and trust me, guys just take a minute to ruin your life forever! They have big bloody egos! Have you not heard the cases where acids are thrown, or the faces are cut, only because of a single slap! It's the best to bow your head and keep moving, ignore such lewd comments! Forget such incidences and just be cautious at all the times. " Sadly,  it even made sense!
We live in a country where media never misses to highlight the cases where " A girl was molested after she did not agree to be girlfriend of someone" or " A girl was swayed in front of a moving bus, after she shouted on the guys who whistled on her" or "a girl was troubled by blank calls, after she shouted back on the guys who stared at her."
We live in a country where females are the ones to be blamed if things so wrong. A country, where if a girl stays out till night, even for some important works, she is considered as careless, a country where if a girl roams around with a group of guys, she is blamed of being too "bold" and "welcoming"..if a girl publicly talks about her own safety, she is considered as indecent.
Yet, its the same country where girls are encouraged to strive for competition with guys in professional growth.
Hypocrite society!

It's pitiable! In a country where females are supposedly reverred as mothers and prayed in the form of goddess, in a country where people fast and seek blessings from little girls during Navratri pooja..in the same country females are forced to live a shielded life...
How can a person live freely when there is a constant fear in his head..how can a person trust anyone, when there are more bad people than good ones..how can a person not be suspicious about even the innocent people, how can a person forget about the pool of emotions when even once he had to face such humiliations...I wonder about it...
Sadly, Tagore's wish has not been fulfilled..we, the humans have failed to do so.And not just for this generation, the pshycological effect of this fear shall be noticed even in the posterity.

I have learned that....

1. I have learned from my grandfather that one should never walk bare foot, even inside the house. This is a habit that is kind of imbibed in me , right from childhood. I have seen the days, when my grandfather used to scold us if he saw us without footwear. It may or may not be a very good habit, but for me it compensates for my laziness in washing feet often. I am glad that due to this habit inculcated by my grandfather, i do not put dirty toes on my bed.
2. I have learned from my mother to invariably use dustbins. I have seen many people who throw toffee wrappers or small  titbits of paper in the room, especially at nights, since the daily sweeping is bound to happen in some hours. But somehow,I am still not able to do it. Even when I feel very lazy to walk till the bin, I try to keep the waste in my pockets and dispose it whenever I get up next. This small habit has really inspired my room mate , who tries to follow the suit now .
3.I have learned from my grandmother to smile a lot. When she died, I remember people repeated the same thing regarding her- “We shall miss her permanent smile:” That inspired me- come whatever big or small issue, her smile never ever faded. I trained myself to be like that. It has helped me in many ways.Smile is a part of my personality now.Atleast that is people’s impression about me.Hope to have the same last impression on people whom I know
4. I have learned the importance of “Sorry ” and “Thankyou” from the Hollywood movies and from my father Small and stupid as it may sound, but it is true! I value these words! Many people are miser when it comes to their free usage, as they so called express unasked formality among friends and close people. But, right from childhood, I noticed my father never missed to say a “Thankyou” when i handed him his cup of tea, or offered him water, or any such small thing. I appreciated that acknowledgement. Same is the case with “Sorry”. One word can save valuable relations in just a minute! I use these words generously, and am often urged not to be so formal..Yet, I firmly believe in them.
5. I have learned to not waste anything- may it be food, water, light or even money. I make sure to switch off lights and fans before leaving the room, turning off water tap as soon as it is done, serving only that much food in plate,which I can consume,etc.I do not know the source of this learning, maybe it is a family tradition that got inculcated in my nervous system.But i appreciate this learning and I wish to continue with it forever.
6. I have learned that sometimes it is okay to let go! Holding on to some things and memories is only a pain, and a waste of time and energy. Sorrows blinden us for a better future.Sometimes, despite best possible efforts , things go wrong! One should be acceptable and bold enough to face this truth. Times change, people change, circumstances change.It’s best to be open for such changes, what is genuinely yours will come back to you eventually! What does not come back to you, was never meant for you and does not deserve your attention and time. Forget the bad, forgive easily and do not fail to realize the important things in life.Life is too short to keep worrying about the past. This learning is still in infancy, yet i can see the benefits already.
7. I have learned that your mood is totally in your hands. You are the only person who can decide how you wish to feel about yourself, and what kind of mood do you want for yourself. You have total power to mould your mood.Once you decide to stay happy, all bad things also fail to bother you! The friend who gave me this learning actually implemented this in her life. On the day her brother was struggling for his life, she knew she had to stay in a happy mood to present a strong face for her family.She was calm and did her best to divert her attention and focus on her responsibilities. I was proud of that friend.
8. I have learned that sometimes it is important to discuss things with people who hold value in your life. they care for you, breaking the ice strengthens the relations and also makes one feel light and happy
These are the important things which I can think of as my learnings so far. I am glad that i gave a thought to this ..:)

Rainy Days........

Today, on my way to office, as usual it was raining heavily. Just like all other days of previous week, today also I was mentally prepared to report late to the office, drenched in water,with my hair in a bad state, wearing an over sized jacket that certainly must have made me a funny sight, and then to wipe off the mud patches on my dress, keep rain coat to dry on the back of my chair and then finally to start my office work.
I was no longer irritated by this extra effort that I had to make, thanks to the unending rains in the city. That comes as a by product of living in cities like Mumbai and Pune- you have to face the rain- any time, sometime, all the time!
For the past two days, it has almost been raining continuously. People here are accustomed to it- they no longer get irritated when each time they carry an umbrella, or wear raincoats.
The traffic and the roads are a real sight!
The thirty minute journey is covered in atleast 45 minutes..and what is worse is the risk involved.
Every day, before sitting on the pillion of the activa- I pray that i reach safely, that we do not slip in any pothole, that no biker splashes muddy water on us and that no dirty tyre of the two wheeler brushes by our foot- ruining our dress.
While I am struck in the jam- many thoughts come to my mind everyday.I have a hobby of analyzing people , and am amused at the variety of people on one single road- every person having a story behind him, a destination to reach and some work to attend.

Every person having a different mindset, different expression, different reaction.Yet, among all the differences, every one stands on the same road.
Yesterday, I saw a man who traveled with his full size dog on a two wheeler. Girls off course feared to even get near that activa even in a traffic jam, the dog barked whenever any vehicle stood too close to its face and almost bit a biker who dared to evade its personal space. The people around complained, but the pet's owner simply did not care.
There was another person who had to carry a big size suitcase, and chose to tie it to the side of his bike. He was driving at a good speed, when sudddenly the handle of his suitcase broke and it fell down. The vehicle just behind it almost got hit by that suitcase. It could have been a bad accident, thankfully the rider turned lucky.
There was another lady who held a gas cylinder on the pillion of the bike. In the jam, a truck came by the side of that bike, the driver of the truck threw a burnt cigarette out of the window, it narrowly missed the lady carrying the cylinder! Thankfully it did!
In the hustle bustle of the traffic, there were a few people who valued time even more than their life- as they took all possible shortcuts,without even considering the risk involved.They were not a bit hesitant in taking their bikes on the muddy road or even on the footpath. There were one such driver, whose wife carried a very small baby on the pillion. Apparently he got inspired by other bikers, who opted for the footpath and he too followed the suit. Unfortunately, he lost the balance, and both the lady and the kid fell down.The baby fell in the drain and cried uncontrollably. Worse was when the traffic cleared just at that time, and the people around preferred to move ahead, than assist the family on the footpath.
These and many other incidences happen on road almost all the times, especially during rains!Earlier rains were my favorite season.Sitting inside the house, I associated it with joy, the pleasant weather and fantasized about long drives in the drizzles.My friends could never understand my fascination about the season , but now, thanks to my stay in Pune, I also know the other side of a rainy day!
I have seen people getting worried about their laptops before stepping out of office, i have seen people carry extra clothes to workplace, just in case they need it for emergencies, i have seen people get injured due to accidents on the road and many other problems that arise due to rains.
This side of a rainy day is totally contrast to the one they show in movies or in descriptions about the season.
Anyways..Hope the rainy season continues to bring happiness and freshness in the moods of everyone and also the people realize the imprtance of being cautious on roads in this climate!

Wedding season

Today, as i opened facebook, I got to know that two of my college mates got engaged this weekend and their mariages are scheduled for the next quarter. This has now become very common, as I am progressing towards mid twenties, many of my peers are heading towards the nuptails.
Most of the times, I just like their pics and congratulate them,mentally calculating one more removal from the list of eligible maidens I knew.. ;-)
Yesterday, my roomie broke the news about her best friend getting engaged.She had goosebumps while sharing the news with me.. That made me think a little deeper into the situation..
I wonder how I would feel when any of my close buddies would head for marriage. I will certainly be happy for her, but deep within there would be a pleothra of feelings- a mixed state of emotions..
Last month a close friend told me that she was seeing someone and their relationship was now getting a little serious, to the extent that they sought for a future together. She appeared to be calm and confident.Yet, when she broke the news ..I was a little shocked and maybe even disturbed.
I was scared as well as excited!
Scared , maybe about losing her.Excited,  about her excitement for the same..
Offcourse I am protective as well as possessive about her, not that her fiancee would anyways be less concerned about her well being, but I would certainly have to share my space with him. Certainly her priorities would shift from the senseless chit chats we did, to a greater more responsible level of maturity. I would no longer hold the same value as I presently do. Things would certainly change, sooner or later. That thought made me a little low.Yet, I was very happy for her! She seemed to be enjoying this new phase in her life and wished to share the joy with me..she described everything in detail and seeked my approval too.
I was overwhelmed and blank at her state of mind- her nervousness, her shy smile and the passion with which she described her new found love. This was a reason for me to know that she was happy.. She kept describing him, and I was glad that she had finally found someone to fill the voids in her life...
For the next few days, all she talked about was her conversations with him, about the changes in her life, how busy she had been because of him and how much attention he needed.I did not know how to react.Suddenly he was the fulcrum of her life.His habits, his nature, his family, his liking- disliking was all she cared for!
Like a good friend,I patiently listened to her, gave her my best possible advises and tried to be around in whatever situation she needed me....yet i could feel that the connection was gradually amiss.
While i looked at her like my old friend, she was gradually changing. Her life was now revolving around that relationship , her in laws, the wedding preparations and the similar things. Being a nuave in that department, I could no longer relate to anything pertaining to her.

Today the situation is such that we hardly talk on the phone.She is too busy with him, and I do not feel like disturbing her, moreover I am not very interested in talking about a person or a situation where I can hardly make any difference. Even if we talk, it is mostly about how her relationship was going. At times, i know she is going through a rough patch, yet I cant really help her.At times, when she calls up to share her excitement, i do not relate very well to it. What is even more weird is that she does not seem to mind the gap.Or maybe she is too busy with her adaptations that she fails to notice the gap popping up..
Like a sensible person, i have placated myself on the pertext of human psychology. I try to understand her viewpoint and look at only the positive aspects at her end. I try my best to act selflessly and to be happy in her happiness.
I know she is happy and that she has taken a step ahead in her life!
I also realise that very soon, I too would be taking that step, and maybe then I could again connect with her like before.
Till that time, I just wish the best for all those who are new in relationships or about to get married. I realize how challenging it is to ramp up with his greater responsibility in life, you certainly need lot of time and patience to settle in with the changes!
I also wish that "still single" people like me do not feel lonely or frustrated or whatever to see everyone getting married.Someone special is waiting for you too...there is still some time left, to learn from the experiences around and to share the joy of others :-)

We are all slaves

"Boss is always right!"
This is the mantra taught to many salesmen and the people involved in public dealings, where customers are their boss.In offices , seniors are the boss. In colleges, teachers are the boss. In a shop, the owner is a boss! There are bosses all around! Everywhere, there is a higher authority , who is treated like a boss and the subordinates become overly submissive. This is such a frequent practise and is embedded in the mindset of the people. The effect is clearly visible in activities of our day to day life, especially in offices.

I find it weird! Demeaning! Disrespectful!

I work in IT sector, where we earn our bread from the foreign clients. We are taught to greet them in their language, we work in the timings that suit them, we follow their conventions, so much so that we use their accent while our interactions. The situation is weird at times... it gets funny when a South Indian tries to speak in an American accent..it looks even more funnier, when on a Friday eve,  a grey haired man, seated in a dull office cubicle, seated in front of a laptop greets in an animatedly over cheering voice with a foreign accent  - " Hellooooo Miss Briganza! A very good morning to you! How have you been? " The moment he puts down the phone, suddenly all the sweetness vanishes and the Hindustani seriousness takes over..
It feels weird , when during a call, suddenly one of the participants puts the call to mute- vents his frustration in local language and then resumes to talk all affirmative things in the call.It is not just about the foreign culture and foreign clients, we keep our actions under check even under the seniors..We live in a fake world and are constantly under the pressure of laying positive impressions..
I felt weird when a senior guy was sitting idle in office, and constantly checking the availablity status of his senior , the minute the senior logged out, he too left the office.Was it so important to show the boss about his sincerity that he simply wasted his time , which could otherwise be well spent with family. Why could he not just finish his work and leave whenever possible, unguided by his boss's eye over him.
In colleges, it is funny how suddenly the facebook and such social sites get minimised when the teachers passes by.Or why the book is always opened during a lecture, even if the mind is wandering elsewhere..
When the owner is around, suddenly the phone becomes secondary for the shopkeeper, and he is in his best possible conduct...
Such and many similar incidences make me feel bad at times...

What do these things mean? Do we really need to be affected this much by our seniors- do we really need to fake ourselves almost everytime and be conscious of our conduct. Is it the work that counts, or is it the showcasing of sincerity that matters?

I realise this may be important in some situations. But I feel one should also understand the fact that seniors too are humans.They maybe judging you at times, but your fake conduct too maybe noticed.As long as you are genuine, they maybe acceptable to your originality.They too are made of same flesh and bones as you, they are not some Gods to dictate your life and certainly they do not deserve that much imporatnace to guide your day to day conduct. Discipline and sincerity should come from within ourselves.
We should have the right to decide our limits and to set up a level , where we do not compromise with our self respect and can feel free.
It is not justified to create a fake world , guided by constant pressure of portraying oneself as sincere or dedicated.Be honest to yourself, and then we would not need to behave like a slave and be conscious about the bosses eye to decide our conduct.....

Welcome Myself! :-P

For the past so many days, I have been suffering from the worst feeling for any writer- I had heard about the writers block and read about similar things from many co authors and fellow bloggers.Every time I read about it on any posts or elsewhere, I had a sense of pity and anguish mixed for those people. Sometimes, I accused them of making excuses or at times I went to the extent of blaming them for being too casual and giving priority to other things .I always thought writing was a natural process, effortless and a part of daily routine. When I was introduced to blogging, for initial few days, I became all the more observant towards life, and saw everything with a view to bring out a good blog about it. That made me feel happy, that forced me to think and be aware about my own thoughts and feelings. It kept my mind recharged and there was a constant challenge of searching for newer topics.Then gradually my blog became somewhat popular, and my habit of being observant took to newer heights.I felt good when people related to my posts, and even better to acknowledge the fact that I could write many sentences inspired by small day to day incidences. Things were going good, but over the past few days, I do not feel that urge for reading or for writing. There is no reason or any explanation, yet i feel disconnected with the literary interests. Maybe, gradually I too am heading towards the dreaded term called "writers block"...

I can now feel the helplessness when there are so many thoughts banging in your delicate head, yet you are just unable to put them in a flow of words.You end up in a cyclone of thoughts , staring at the blank screen and looking for a single sentence to start.you feel handicapped and the words that actually define your feelings do not seem to exist in any dictionary..Such has been the case with me....even if i manage to write something, it lasts for just a few sentences, and then i feel that void taking over and my brain loses its track.
My mind starts wandering and the post looses direction.....
For many days, i excused myself on the contexts of being busy and pre occcupied..but gradually my friends have started insisting me to write..that too is for my own good.
It took me almost 3 posts to get back to the flow or writing..now atleast my mind has again started working!
Though the topics remain mundane..I still have lots of things in my mind- hundreds of thoughts everyday...so many words whose meanings i have apparently forgotten!
I wish to resume..I wish to rewrite!
Feeling positive! Feeling alive once again! :-)

New Guy in the office

New city, new project, new office- my life was suddenly set to witness some major changes. This is what corporate job does to a man- makes him ready to adapt to changes in return for a few extra bucks and some more years added on to the resume.

During the time of recession, and being struck with cliche technologies, in IT world,its a 0-1 situation, either you lose your job, or you lose your dear city. I had to opt for the later. After a lot of pursuation, my manager had agreed to cut short my stay and re assign me a new project in Chennai within 2 months again..yet 1 month away from home was not a very welcoming idea for me.

With a heavy heart,bag full of wonderful memories about the city i had always lived in, and tears in my eyes, I stuffed all my other belongings into two suitcases,ready to accept the challenges that life had to offer.After a comfortable flight of 2 hours, i landed at the Pune airport, apprehensive about the new city, about acceptance of a Tamil guy among the marathi manoos, about my ability to mix up with the people and make some friends.

I didnot know hindi or marathi- so English or Tamil were my only ways to communicate with the busy people in the city. I signalled an auto driver and tried my luck with English, least expecting him to understand. But , the city offered its first surprise to me- The pot bellied driver, with a  white kurta and a ‘gandhi topi’ on head nodded and signalled me to sit. I was pleasantly surprised when without a word, he put the meter on running. i was saved the trouble of negotiating for the fare.:-)

The office was to pay for my accommodation for first 20 days, and so i settled in the luxurious hotel that had a corporate tieup with my office.

The next day, i got up with the excitement of a kid going to school for the first time. After the sumptuous breakfast of ‘meesal pao’ , a dish i had never tasted earlier,and a quick call at my home, I finally reached the office at around 11am. Soon i was introduced to my new team mates- just 3 of us. I was told that other members worked from Sweden. I was a bit disappointed by this discovery. My previous team size was close to 20 and so we all operated from a separate room. This gave us a great chance to know each other and office was a fun because of that interaction we had between work.

But, on the very first day, I figured that Ganesh and Vitthal, my teammates were both marathis and preferred to talk minimal. Most of their conversations were in their own language, which made me a little upset. I was lonely.

There was no one to talk, or nothing to refresh my mood. During the occasional tea breaks, Ganesh and Vitthal preferred to keep quiet, or at times ask about my previous project. They had 7 years of work experience and treated me like a kid, with my 2 years into the corporate world, i was actually a kid! A kid, who was sad  at the uninteresting office environment.

The same continued for around a week. By now, i was quite used to the work life. The work pressure had taken its toll, and or rather i had engrossed myself completely into the new office and its dull life.

The code freeze was scheduled for the next day, and there were still some debugging to be done, so i had to stay a little longer, while Ganesh and Vitthal, bailed out stating some family obligations as an excuse. I was a bachelor, and my room too had no fun to offer, so i was still working.It was around 9 at the office and the workplace was almost empty now.

Suddenly a voice caught my attention.

“Ohh noo….i think i did that mistake Rohit, can you please check if the SAP files are properly installed!Or else i will be doomed.” The innocence in the sound made me smile. It was rightly said that females have the sweetest of voice.

“Rohit! Rohit! Please check na!! ” the girl was restless. I smiled at her.

After a few minutes, a guy replied.” Offcourse madam! Its properly installed.Afterall,you doing mistakes is as unlikely as Siva working overtime”

And both of them laughed.

The careless laughter, which made the hectic  and silent office very lively and cheerful.Although I could not understand much of their joke, but still a smile popped up on my face.

The next day, the code had gone for freeze and so i was comparatively free. The sites like facebook etc are blocked in my office, so I had no other way to pass my time. I was surfing wikipedia to find out the places to visit in pune and its vicinity, when the same voice caught my attention again.

“Hi guys! Very good morning! I am so sorry for being late..there was so much of traffic on the bhel chowk, and then my mother called up, she kept on chitchatting and i just could not put the phone down.Did Siva call for me?” she asked her teammates, all at once.

“Bhel chowk! The name sounded interesting..i had often heard my North Indian colleagues discuss about a dish called Bhel . I had never tasted it. I immediately googled Bhel Chowk, to see what was the place about. Was it some eating joint? I smiled at my own foolishness when i discovered that Bhel chowk was some area in Pune. I further read about more strange names of the places in Pune.

Throughout the day, i kept reading more about Pune., and in between i could hear her occasional conversations with her teammates. Apparently her team had 3 other girls, and Rohit was a guy whom she often asked for help.The other girl had some complicated name and was the most sincere in team- she spoke very less, just like my own teammates.But unlike my team,their team talked in english most of the times, and the ascent of Lavaya made me assume that she was from Tamil.:-)

I assumed that she was a reason for their team to talk in English. I was happy, because unlike me, Lavaya was lucky in that regard..she had good company in an alien city.The sweet voice often dragged her in the talks and was more like the communication center in their team.

I faced my desktop, smiling at her innocence. I even tried to locate her, but the high walls of the cubicles blocked my view from the team that sat on the opposite side.

From the next day onwards, her voice was a part of my day. I still didnot know her name, or her desk number..all i recognised was a sweet and innocent voice- that often got late and offered unasked explanations..that kept on doubting her own work and asking Rohit or Lavaya or another complicated girl’s name for confirming is she was doing alright..the girl who would suddenly sigh loudly and say “bahut pakk raha hai yar” and would start humming some songs.

I smiled whenever she brought upon the topics for discussions..most of the time about the movies….I smiled at her reviews, which she gave in an animated voice with proper expressions and dedication  

She was fascinating..and so were her talks.

Her voice clearly spoke about her mood- in the morning, fresh and energetic..then in the noon,she would feel sleepy and would complain about her lack of sleep due to hectic office..as the evening approached, she would daily start backward counting for the time to leave office.” Rohit, review my code, I have to leave in another 2 hours.” she would chirp.

“Lavaya..I clocked in at 9 AM today..do you think it’s okay if i leave the office at around 6.I have to go to MG road and shop. Will you accompany me?” she had asked with excitement brimming from her voice.

When Lavaya excused herself , saying she had to “complete her office hours..” i could sense the disappointment on the girls tone, when she said a soft “ohhhkaay”.

That very moment i longed to see who was that sweet voice..a person so simple and bubbly.I had known her for almost a month now..still i didnot even know her face or her name.

I focussed hard on listening more and more talks of her team, in hope to catch her name..

My office became interesting because of her talks..though i was in no way involved in their conversation..yet i often smiled and felt involved.

After almost a week, i figured out that her name was Maya. I looked for her name in the people directory of our company and was upset to see over 100 Maya’s listed.

It was impossible for me to find her out or locate her without raising doubts in the minds of Ganesh and Vitthal.

I had always been a shy guy, I knew it was not that difficult to get up and look for her on the benches around..there were hardly 8-9 girls in the rows adjacent to my seat. She had to be one of them..yet i was scared..scared of upsetting her..scared of making her quiet.

Over one month had passed by now.Within that month, i had explored Pune through her eyes.sometimes she mentioned about MG road, and the next day i was curious to visit that place..she talked about the Inorbit Mall, and i had to visit it once. She described about Lavasa and its beauty..the very next weekend i witnessed how well she had described the place. She was like a local guide for me..the only little concern was that she was unaware of being eavesdropped– daily– for around a month now.It made me feel a little guilty,but to befriend her..i had to know her…

One day, i got a call from my manager, confirming that my request for transfer to Chennai had been accepted and I could leave Pune in another 7 days or so..

I was happy about the idea of returning to my own city..and among my own people..yet I knew i would miss Pune..the beautiful city i had explored through the eyes of an unknown girl.

Hectic office had not given me a chance to make any friends in this city..yet i felt connected to Maya…I could recognize her mood by her voice and her mood even changed my mood at times…

I knew this was my last chance..I wanted to talk to her ..just for once.

For the next week, i kept on making plans to face her..to talk to her..i mentally rehearsed the dialogues i would say to introduce myself.I was scared of making her angry. Afterall, i had been evading her privacy for quite a long time now.

It was my last day at the office.Quite surprisingly Ganesh and Vitthal had planned a farewell for me. Over the days we spent as teammates…our relationship had not changed much. They just considered me as a sincere teammate, who was an outsider , non marathi speaker, and who smiled at the conversations of other teams.. Yes, they had noticed me smile, but thankfully, had never mentioned that to save me from the embarrassment.

” Lavaya! I have a headache today. I need a strong coffee! Is anyone coming along?” she asked.

Suddenly my attention was on their team. No one replied to her.

“Comeon guys! Just a 10 minutes break! My head will blast! ” she pleaded.

“Maya, yaar, today you go alone na please…you see Siva is gonna kick us hard if we miss the deadline!” Rohit responded.

On usual days, I knew Maya would not have gone. By now, i had figured it out that she never went alone anywhere- for lunch, for evening tea or snacks, or even for the walk..she was always with her team. That was also a reason, why i had failed in recognizing her till now.I knew the 3 girls , one of them was Maya.But which one, was an unsolved mystery….Today was my last chance to know that!

“Ok Fine!” she clearly was irritated.

My excitement level knew no bounds.This was a chance i had been looking for!

Immediately i locked my computer, and moved towards the coffee machine.Despite the hurry, i did not forget to take the strip of “Disprin” which i always keep in my office bag.

There she was…she was the tallest of the 3 girls in their team.

She had often smiled at me, while passing by my side.

She was the face i had seen almost daily, the voice i had been listening for weeks..the only person who made my stay in pune worthwhile.

I smiled at her….she reciprocated.

She was about to take her cup of coffee towards her desk, when i finally managed to call her name ..

“Excuse me, Maya!” i almost mumbled…

She suddenly stopped.

“how are you?” i asked.

She looked at me , puzzled.

Before she could answer, i offered her disprin. “Take it, It will help in your headache.”

She was all the more confused..still she took it.

“Hi, I am Venkat, from Pega team.” i initiated a handshake.

After initial hesitation, she shook hands with me.

“Hi, I am Maya, from SAP” she introduced herself. Mentally, I smiled at her.I already knew a lot more than that about her.

“Yes, i know!” i confessed.

“How?”  she was obviously surprised.

And then i honestly told her about the unique one sided bond of acquaintance that i had developed with her.

She merely smiled…and quite unexpectedly she even added –” I never knew i talk so much and so loudly. It must have been disturbing for all others! Gosh!!! that’s bad!! I will try to speak softly next time onwards!”

With that we shared our first and the last cup of coffee together, she told me about a few more places that i had not yet visited in Pune..and with that the sweet meeting with my only friend in the new office  ended.

We walked back to our desks, and continued with our work.

After around 20 minutes of settling in, I heard her voice again….

“lavayaaa, you know what, i speak soo loudly.There was this guy from the Pega team around and he…….”"” and then she narrated the incidence to her team.

I merely smiled!

Random Titbits!

There comes a point in life, where all the senseless drama exhausts you, the negativity drains the last drop of strength from your disdained soul and you are left with a thousand questions which seem to have no answer. The monstrous monotony of the routine pulls you down and you feel like running away--hiding in a secluded corner-- away from friends, away from office, away from the worries. You do not know what went wrong, you dont even know how to bring things back on track.In worse cases, you dont even know if there is anything wrong at all. You just feel alone, sad and helpless.....your life feels out of control and that frustrates you.
There are people around, who try to help you, but you are so obsessed about your own dilemmas that you tend to ignore them, or in worse cases even shut yourself away from them..you end up hurting the ones who are closest to you, only to regret that later.
Over the past few months, i have come to conclude that life is not easy- it is just not supposed to be that way.
That is how it is for everyone- every single human!
Every one has to face it all- sometimes loneliness, sometimes sadness, sometimes depression, sometimes failure..and then gradually happiness follows. No one can be exactly in same mood or phase throughout the life.
Somehow,how long one wishes to stay in that mode decides how well he will cope up with it.
Everyone has problems, your ability to deal with them decides your fate. It is okay to be low at times, it is okay to give yourself some privacy and to ponder about the mess around.It is okay to even curse and cry ..but then make sure to get over it completely, and then return stronger!
Never cry over the same problem twice...nor keep your eyes wet for so long that you fail to see the happy days coming.
A close friend once said -"cry as long as you want now,and then we will forget about it!" He made sense!
Another friend once said- "Stay in your den as long as you want, but remember there are people who are willing to drag you out, they are still waiting for you outside. Don't make them wait for too long." He too made sense!
There are always some people who need you..not the sad or depressed you- but the fierce you! Don't underrate or ignore them!When you cant deal with things alone, then don't lock yourself in a room, where no one can come to bring you out.
Life is good! Despite worst situations, good people exist and they care for your well being... buck yourself up, and treat them well! They are the people God has sent as a link to the good days...they help you to look out for small packets of happiness and soon you will collect a bag full of them.
Trust people for your own good!
Every one has setbacks..its natural! Accept it!
If you run away from the situations..they will come running behind you! Stop! Decide how you are going to deal with them! Think! and then Act! once you decide to take control over your own life, things will automatically fall in place.
You are never alone...neither are you the only person having problems in life. Infact you are lucky to have the power to steer your life in any direction that you want! Be the driver or your life, and you will never be alone to travel on the road.


PS: updated the blog after a long long time. :-)
hope I still have some readers here..;-)
Will post soon. Keep smiling till then!