From a curious little child, to a young girl- years have slipped away,swift and smooth like sand slips off the hand..
As
dates change in the calendar, I grow older each day- to realize how
time has flown, changing everything- not just in the world around, but
within me.
I look at the old photo albums to see myself evolving- day after day, year after year!
The
changes which gradually shaped me into who I am today- the years that
gave me the experiences to grow into a mature adult, with my own
understanding of the world, with my own opinion of things, and with a
certain mindset.
Yet, sometimes when I see a group of young kids
playing in the evenings, or enjoying in the school buses as the day gets
over, nostalgia sweeps in.
A deja- vu happens!I end up remembering my golden days .
I
look back at the old me, and then I see the present me -From a chubby
infant, to a working professional- a long journey through school and
college, through the innocent childhood and youthful teenage.
I look
at myself, clad in the professional attire- heading to office with a
natural code of conduct , and a big To-do list in mind, fighting with the world to make my point.
And , then I look at the kids- arguing whose turn it was to bat.
I
stare at the little doll with curly hair, sipping Frooti, eyeing the
packet of Uncle chips and getting happy with small pleasures like winning a game of Ludo.
That girl reminds me of someone-The child in me !
I
think of myself in all the childhood photos, living a life quite
similar to her.A pool of memories temporarily sweeps in my mind- taking
me to an altogether different world!
Memories flash back every now and then- whenever I see a replica of myself in someone else.
A
memory, that reminds me how I used to be- a carefree chatterbox,
pleased with small joys, worried about trivial concerns, fighting for
small matters, getting possesive of my beloved things, feeling jealous
for things out of my reach..
That was me- a person who was not just living, but was alive!
Alive
to be able to feel a multitude of emotions- alive to know what it felt
to be appreciated ,to be protective, to be pampered, to be loved, to be
sincere, to be hardworking, to be intelligent, to be smart, to be
ambitious, to be hopeful and to be angry or frustrated.
Those were the days, when life was simpler, because small things held big values.
Those were the days, when being praised by teachers for good handwriting was considered appreciation.
When taking side of your siblings in a quarrel with the neighbors was being protective.
When being given a extra chocolate without a reason was pampering.
When getting to sleep on mothers lap decided which kid was more loved by her and the other was teased for being an "adopted child."
When completing the homework by myself was an effort towards sincerity.
When reading all the chapters and solving the questions of NCERT and reference books was the only idea of hardwork.
When securing first rank in exam was a proof of intelligence.
When having many friends, and knowing about the latest stationary set, and toys marked smartness.
When ambition was to be a teacher, or a doctor, or maybe even a millionaire!
When
we confidently wrote "Friends forever!" , or Cut creamy chocolate cut,
etc msgs on the handmade greeting cards given to friends on birthdays or
friendship day.
Those were the days...
The days, when every small thing related to us had to happen exactly in our ways, or we had the liberty to cry over it.
When everything was so simple, yet seemed complicated!
When parents meant the enemies, who made us do homework and study.
When friends meant the people to share lunch with, and to play games.
When future meant the very next day.
When mothers were the genius, who provided solution to every problem- ranging from lost pencil, to a forgotten craft assignment.
Those days, opinions were simplified by our own definitions, and promises were easily made and believed.
I
recall saying -"Mein tjhse kabhi baat nahi karungi" to my best
friend,because she had not given me an extra sweet on her birthday.She
cried at my promise, obviously we made up soon.And shook hands to
promise "Friends forver " .
I recall saying-"Wo didi bohot badi hai,
unki shaadi honey vaali hai", before shying away to talk to an elder
relative who visited us.
I recall saying,"Badi hokar mein teacher
banugi", when my favorite teacher asked me about my ambition.Afterall
teachers were the knowledgeable people who knew everything under the
sky. They were powerful and respectable!
I recall imagining daddy's
office to be a bad , serious place,with all elderly people- staring at
the huge bundles of files- doing some high level work- that made them
tired for no reason.I thought it was good to be working in offices , as
there was no uniform and no need to wake up at early morning. No
homework and no exams were an added advantage.
Towards my teenage, I
recall cribbing, "Itni si pocket money. Jab mein badi houngi, Khoob
paise spend karungi".When I had to save money to buy an expensive
Temptation chocolate for my best friend.
I recall the plannings done
for a birthday party, and the weeks of good conduct before cajoling
parents to get permission for movie outings.
As i recall these things, and many other such memories- I go into a state of trance!
I smile at those days of innocence.I smile at the irony of life!
I never realised when I grew up....and those days became just a part of my memory.
I
never realised when that "best friend" became just an acquaintance.Many
friends changed since then, and today i understand that friendship is a
complicated relationship.Something i am still not able to define.But, I
know for sure, that celebrating friendship day, or giving birthday
presents isnt real friendship.Nor being connected 24*7 is a necessity
for staying friends. Friendship is probably the feeling of having
someone when you really need them!
I did not realize when i reached
that age of being a "marriageable girl" myself. I do not know if being
marriageable actually means growing up, or it is the sense of being
responsible that defines maturity. I have seen elders who are more
stubborn and childish than kids!
I did not realise when I came to
think of teachers as Losers.( no offence, but college introduced me to the not so good side of teachers
) I have realised that all professions are good, but one needs to be
passionate about his job. Satisfaction is my new ambition in life!
I
now know what offices are for real! I would rather stay mum about my
thoughts regarding offices now- because i am sure that years later, my
opinion will change again. i am yet to explore them properly!
I now
realise how those 60Rs that i needed to buy choclate was actualy earned
and saved.I realise the dream of being a millionare was just a dream,
and that each rupee costs 100 paise. Spending is easier than earning!
I
now realise why it was difficult to get permissions for certain things
and why certain other things were easily allowed.I was never allowed for
late night outings, but there was hardly any class picnic that i
missed. I realise the thin boundary between entertainment and
extravagance. I realise that when my parents talked about safety- they
did not just mean safety from phsyical injuries caused by falling or
briuses during cat fights. They meant safety from the darker side of the
world- the world which i had never seen under their guarded
supervision. The world, which is not so pleasant.
Now, when i look back at those days of innocence- I am often blank.
I do not know whether to feel happy and smile that those lovely days were a part of my life!
Or whether I should feel sad, that those days can never be re- lived!
Amongst all these thoughts, a fleeting thought strikes me often- that my present life too shall be a memory some years later.
A memory that will bring back the same sense of nostalgia that childhood memories does!
When i was a child, i wanted to grow up.
Today, i want to be that child again!
Probably years later, i would want to live my present life....
Which simply means that it is natural to look back. Once in a while, we all cherish getting back to our roots.
To see what all has changed, to introspect and see our own evolution!
The knowledge of our past, the acceptance of our present and the excitement for our future is my idea of a happy life.
We can not turn blind to any of these , because that would mean shying away from one inevitable aspect of our life.
Time changes!
As time changes, we change too!
This is all about dynamicity!
We
can not be sad about the changes.Because , despite the changes some
part of me has managed to be stable- the part where I look forward,
where I aspire, where I dream, where I find reasons to smile.
I
hope to keep finding such joyous reasons to smile, the memories that
make me think about the good times, and be glad that i was there to
experience it all, to be shaped into what i am , to be able to decide
what i want to be!
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Friday, August 15, 2014
Independance Day Celebration......Or so it is?
She took out a crisp 100 rupee note to buy the national
flag-soaked in the spirit of patriotism; she messaged Independence Day wishes
to all her friends through the I phone she had recently bought. They decided for
a reunion to celebrate the Independence Day, and were to meet at Starbucks
Coffee house- with the “dress code” based on patriotism.
She opted for a white sleeveless Vero Moda shirt- matched it with a tri colored scarf, applied her L’Oreal makeup, sprayed her favorite UCB perfume and passionately got ready for the reunion.
She decided to travel by her Audi, since the route was long and congested. While crossing the slums- she rolled the window glass up, lest the noise would disturb while she heard her favorite Lady Gaga Playlist. Moreover, dust and pollution, especially at the traffic signal never suited her sensitive skin.
She entered the Phoenix mall, and while waiting for her friends to join- she noticed a tri color theme sandwich at the food court. She was tempted to buy it, and instantly shared its picture with #Independance #tricolour hashtags on instagram.
The friends were meeting after quite a long time, and thus had a lot to catch up.
Thank God it was an extended weekend , as the group could reunite and chill out till wee hours.
Booze, dance, shopping, movies, and gossips- that was their agenda for later that evening.
Thankfully, this time they remembered it was a dry day on 15th Aug, and so had already stocked enough liquor for the evening.
While updating each other of the latest hangout places in the city- they realized most of their group had now settled abroad, that is why their friend circle had narrowed down.Yet , they found newer topics to discuss- from chicks to flicks, from movies to the office gossips, from latest brands to upcoming trends. They covered everything.
Before leaving, they did a photo session around the national flag which she had bought, and headed for their home.
However, in the excitement of meeting old friends- she forgot to tie the seat belt, and was in for a shock when the traffic police stopped her and fined with a chaalan.
She opted for a white sleeveless Vero Moda shirt- matched it with a tri colored scarf, applied her L’Oreal makeup, sprayed her favorite UCB perfume and passionately got ready for the reunion.
She decided to travel by her Audi, since the route was long and congested. While crossing the slums- she rolled the window glass up, lest the noise would disturb while she heard her favorite Lady Gaga Playlist. Moreover, dust and pollution, especially at the traffic signal never suited her sensitive skin.
She entered the Phoenix mall, and while waiting for her friends to join- she noticed a tri color theme sandwich at the food court. She was tempted to buy it, and instantly shared its picture with #Independance #tricolour hashtags on instagram.
The friends were meeting after quite a long time, and thus had a lot to catch up.
Thank God it was an extended weekend , as the group could reunite and chill out till wee hours.
Booze, dance, shopping, movies, and gossips- that was their agenda for later that evening.
Thankfully, this time they remembered it was a dry day on 15th Aug, and so had already stocked enough liquor for the evening.
While updating each other of the latest hangout places in the city- they realized most of their group had now settled abroad, that is why their friend circle had narrowed down.Yet , they found newer topics to discuss- from chicks to flicks, from movies to the office gossips, from latest brands to upcoming trends. They covered everything.
Before leaving, they did a photo session around the national flag which she had bought, and headed for their home.
However, in the excitement of meeting old friends- she forgot to tie the seat belt, and was in for a shock when the traffic police stopped her and fined with a chaalan.
“These jerks pay special attention to these luxury cars. They
know we can afford to pay whatever amount they ask! Bastards!” she thought to
herself…before presenting a puppy face in front of the cop, and offered him to
let go of the matter in lieu of a 500 rupee note.
When the cop discovered that she did not even have a permanent driving license, he had another reason to double the bribe amount.
After some bargaining- the matter closed, on a negotiated amount of 700/- .
The little incidence spoiled her mood, and she grumbled about the poor infrastructure in our country.
She had intended to get the permanent DL, but the RTO office was so unorganized that she dared not to go there alone, and her agent had been busy. So the matter had slipped off her mind completely.
Despite the election time, the lazy government had been good for nothing. She envied her friends who had been lucky to get rid of India and it’s problems.
However, the excitement of the evening plans elated her spirit again.
As she reached the home, she updated her facebook status . “Happy Independence Day folks! Proud to be an Indian. Let’s pledge for a better India”. And chose her best photographs to be uploaded.
Later that night, their party went well.
She was still in hangover of the celebrations, while the young boy who came daily to clean the car, picked up the national flag, which lay on the foot mat in the front seat. Accidentally, someone had stepped on the flag, and the stains of the footprint were quite evident.
He knew the car owner were rich people, and would not take the efforts to wash the “piece of cloth”. He wondered, if he could take that flag, and celebrate his Independence Day…..
When the cop discovered that she did not even have a permanent driving license, he had another reason to double the bribe amount.
After some bargaining- the matter closed, on a negotiated amount of 700/- .
The little incidence spoiled her mood, and she grumbled about the poor infrastructure in our country.
She had intended to get the permanent DL, but the RTO office was so unorganized that she dared not to go there alone, and her agent had been busy. So the matter had slipped off her mind completely.
Despite the election time, the lazy government had been good for nothing. She envied her friends who had been lucky to get rid of India and it’s problems.
However, the excitement of the evening plans elated her spirit again.
As she reached the home, she updated her facebook status . “Happy Independence Day folks! Proud to be an Indian. Let’s pledge for a better India”. And chose her best photographs to be uploaded.
Later that night, their party went well.
She was still in hangover of the celebrations, while the young boy who came daily to clean the car, picked up the national flag, which lay on the foot mat in the front seat. Accidentally, someone had stepped on the flag, and the stains of the footprint were quite evident.
He knew the car owner were rich people, and would not take the efforts to wash the “piece of cloth”. He wondered, if he could take that flag, and celebrate his Independence Day…..
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
The "MAD" you...
Veronika decides to die- a book that I picked up half
heartedly, more because I was in a state when I did not know what i really
wanted to read , which genre of reading would soothe me…
There is a void in my life these days- a blankness, which I now discover is a baggage that everyone of my age carries at some stage in life…
When you are busy with work, your mind is totally engrossed- but whenever you are free, the thoughts pop up- and you think about the direction to which things are heading- only to discover that there is no direction at all- that each day is just the same as the past day, and the following day would be the same too.
We are often advisd to live in the moment, and that is so much well adapted , that we live only in the moment- focusing on the task in hand- ignoring the call of our mind, or the cry of our heart.
Whenener, there is a temporary shift of focus- we are in a state of dilemma- as to what to do next- to keep our mind busy.
At those moments, we calculate what all we gained in the gone years, and what all you could have lost in the process..
You miss certain things, regret others, and in this state of negativity- whatever we have in hand, we are hardly able to acknowledge it..
Earlier, I thought it was just me who had these mood swings- I felt weird about myself for feeling this way, and thought it was another of my mallices..
But, with great courage I talked about it to a friend, just to realize she too was in the same boat as me. This discovery made me feel less guilty about my own thoughts.
We talked about this to another friend, and there was a addition to our club..
And today, after discussing about this state with a lot of people, and reading about it a lot- I discover that we all are normal.
That every life is almost the same.
No one is completely satisfied with what we have, no one is happy all the time. We all have our regrets, our setbacks, unfulfilled dreams, unsaid words, unexpressed emotions- we all have another version of ourselves- which we hide- because of our own reasons.
This book- Veronika decides to die makes me dig deeper into this universal confusion.
The first few pages of the book took over my mind- more so , because it was so relatable.
The protagonist in the story decides to commit suicide- not because something major happened to change her life, like it does in most suicide cases that come into limelight…. But she decides to die because nothing interesting was happening to her, or she could foresee no change from the routine in the coming days..
She wasn’t sad or upset about anything- yet she wasn’t happy either.
That monotony, that certainty and that mundane routine took away her desire to live- and thus the bold decision.She felt even God would not mind her efforts to end the life he had beautifully bestowed upon her.She logically stated that if God was the creator of all, he would know that she will end it in this manner- because he was the one to decide her fate. She even convinced herself, that God was the one responsible for giving her this strength to end this routine set of events called –“her life”!
She wasn’t mad at all, nor suffering from any psychological ailment- because she was well in her senses.
Small and big things mattered to her- she cared how her parents would feel on looking at her mutilated body, she carefully chose her way to commit suicide- taking sleeping pills, that too one by one, so that she still had time to stop midway , in case she changed her mind.
She popped the pills while reading a magazine, even at those last moments , she had an opinion about the article which she read- not just an opinion, but such a strong opinion that she wrote a letter to the columnist as well….
Such was her state of mind…..sane, yet unstable!
I call it unstable, because probably she wasn’t any unusual or rare kind of person who suffered from this dilemma, yet , her conclusion to change her life was unusual..her way to se things was unusual..
We all live her life , atleast for some span of time!
Many a times, it happens that we lose interest, there is a constant void that prevails in our life- an irreplacable blankness, that can hardly be explained or wiped off….
We try to run away from it, and keep running till we successfully push it away…
Sometimes a nightout with friends, sometimes shopping or a movie, sometimes a short trip, sometimes reading or listening to songs, sometimes sleeping , or fighting or maybe remaining silent are our ways to push away that lull.
We derive temporary solace, and then gradually forget about that pahse- till it resurfaces.
Those negative phases in life are like a wave- which keep hitting the bank, temporarily- taking away the inner peace, sometimes silently sweeping off the sand, or at times hitting hard..in both the cases, there is silence once the waves retreat…the silence which is not ever lasting…the silence which is actually enjoyable……
In the story, Veronica, the protagonist is somehow saved, and ends up being sent to an asylum- a place for the mentally unstable people, and that is where she rediscovers her life….She had never thought this was her fate- to be treated like a mad.
If we look rationally at the doctor’s viewpoint, she was indeed a mad- unfit for the real world- where people are bound to face challenges, and not give up , not be weak enough to succumble to these pressures. Only the mental patients could take a step as bold as suicide!
Yet, if you think from a wider perspective- was she really a mad?
I don’t think so…
She was infact a lot wiser than most of us- because she was sensitive- sensitive towards the direction her life was taking, sensitive to her own thoughts, and also daring enough to take lead in putting an end to it.
She was unhappy with life, and thus she did not want to live it anymore…as simple as that!
I related with her logics, and her thoughts.
Her suicide attempt seemed justified- though by intellect and common sense, I know this wasnot a normal human behavior.
But the story did not end there…
She is told that though she is alive, her life was about to end, her heart was weak, and she could die in next 4 days.
Suddenly she is gripped by a fear- a fear of uncertainity..which actually is quite surprising, because she was the person who never wanted to live in the first place…
The countdown for her death begins, and this time, each minute is a pain for her. Unlike the time when sleeping pills worked, this time, she was afraid…maybe because this time things were not as per her plan. Her original plan had failed, and she no longer held control on her life.
In those few hours, she is confused about her own self- was she really a mad, like the doctors had concluded, or was she a sane person, misfit in the world of mad..
Then a question comes to her mind- who basically are the mad people!
That very question changes her whole perspective of life, and she decides to take benefit of the situation she was forcefully put in…
Since she was already considered a mad- she was no more obligated to follow the rules laid by the world of sane people..
she could play piano whenever she wanted, she could follow no routine, and listen only to her heart, she could talk the way she wanted- she could think the way she felt was right- unaffected by what others would think of her.
She was entitled to do what she wanted, and to ignore how it would affect others.
She was taught that if anyone has a problem with her madness- they would tell her to behave, else, it was their problem, and she need not bother.
She gradually realized that all the people around her were busy in their own lives, and her presence hardly mattered to them.
Just like they did not matter to her.
This rare discovery made her feel light- she was no longer obligated to please anyone, and that was when her natural behavior surfaced.
Gradually , her love for life resumes.She starts feeling a different kind of energy, that made her excited to live the life to its full course, and not just give up on it midway…
But , her countdown had already begun….
Whether she lives or she dies..is a question I cant answer yet, because I will have to read the book till its end..
Despite the interesting storyline involved, I can not bring myself to read this book further.
The book is too much of a thought process for me- it bares the appalling reality of human psyche…
Each page, each incidence unfolds a newer trait of humans in general…
This story isn’t about a single girl called Veronika- but is the life of every human with a heart and feelings..
It taps unexplained views about life…ones that are hard to digest for most of the sane people like you and me.Yet, the very concept of the book is that none of us is totally sane- we all are mad, and only have our own levels to curb that madness within.
Jumping in the rain could be madness for one person, idea of fun for another..
Singing despite being bad at it, dancing like a duck, crying like a baby, dedicating your life for something that you love – they all are madness … yet, those who do not hesistate in accepting that madness feel free- they live for themselves.
Those who fear the world, end up living the life others decide for them.
We all put efforts to suppress that madness, and to look normal among the other mad people- collectively, we all feel we are sane, well the fact is, how well we handle the balance between our mad desires and the social acceptance decides our personality, and the way we handle that pressure decides our mental peace.
What is needed for a peaceful living is to accept the madness in yourself, and to find ways to do the things that make you happy..Live like a mad- without caring how others may form an opinion about you, because the fact is – no one else really matters. Every one is busy in taking care of his own problems, and masking his own madness…
If you are in a good state of mind, then you radiate it, and the people around will benefit out of your madness…
If you are constantly under the pressure of living upto the expectations set by others- you will not have the space for your own personality to bloom- that pressure will not make you happy, and you will end up with the recurring feeling of void.
Each one of us has some calling- an interest which was never exploited, a passion that was often suppressed or went unnoticed.
For a moment, look within to discover that driving factor, which would fill the void - which would encourage the “Mad” within you to drive itself out of the shell of “social acceptance”…
Live life with no mental blockages--- freely! Passionately!
There is a void in my life these days- a blankness, which I now discover is a baggage that everyone of my age carries at some stage in life…
When you are busy with work, your mind is totally engrossed- but whenever you are free, the thoughts pop up- and you think about the direction to which things are heading- only to discover that there is no direction at all- that each day is just the same as the past day, and the following day would be the same too.
We are often advisd to live in the moment, and that is so much well adapted , that we live only in the moment- focusing on the task in hand- ignoring the call of our mind, or the cry of our heart.
Whenener, there is a temporary shift of focus- we are in a state of dilemma- as to what to do next- to keep our mind busy.
At those moments, we calculate what all we gained in the gone years, and what all you could have lost in the process..
You miss certain things, regret others, and in this state of negativity- whatever we have in hand, we are hardly able to acknowledge it..
Earlier, I thought it was just me who had these mood swings- I felt weird about myself for feeling this way, and thought it was another of my mallices..
But, with great courage I talked about it to a friend, just to realize she too was in the same boat as me. This discovery made me feel less guilty about my own thoughts.
We talked about this to another friend, and there was a addition to our club..
And today, after discussing about this state with a lot of people, and reading about it a lot- I discover that we all are normal.
That every life is almost the same.
No one is completely satisfied with what we have, no one is happy all the time. We all have our regrets, our setbacks, unfulfilled dreams, unsaid words, unexpressed emotions- we all have another version of ourselves- which we hide- because of our own reasons.
This book- Veronika decides to die makes me dig deeper into this universal confusion.
The first few pages of the book took over my mind- more so , because it was so relatable.
The protagonist in the story decides to commit suicide- not because something major happened to change her life, like it does in most suicide cases that come into limelight…. But she decides to die because nothing interesting was happening to her, or she could foresee no change from the routine in the coming days..
She wasn’t sad or upset about anything- yet she wasn’t happy either.
That monotony, that certainty and that mundane routine took away her desire to live- and thus the bold decision.She felt even God would not mind her efforts to end the life he had beautifully bestowed upon her.She logically stated that if God was the creator of all, he would know that she will end it in this manner- because he was the one to decide her fate. She even convinced herself, that God was the one responsible for giving her this strength to end this routine set of events called –“her life”!
She wasn’t mad at all, nor suffering from any psychological ailment- because she was well in her senses.
Small and big things mattered to her- she cared how her parents would feel on looking at her mutilated body, she carefully chose her way to commit suicide- taking sleeping pills, that too one by one, so that she still had time to stop midway , in case she changed her mind.
She popped the pills while reading a magazine, even at those last moments , she had an opinion about the article which she read- not just an opinion, but such a strong opinion that she wrote a letter to the columnist as well….
Such was her state of mind…..sane, yet unstable!
I call it unstable, because probably she wasn’t any unusual or rare kind of person who suffered from this dilemma, yet , her conclusion to change her life was unusual..her way to se things was unusual..
We all live her life , atleast for some span of time!
Many a times, it happens that we lose interest, there is a constant void that prevails in our life- an irreplacable blankness, that can hardly be explained or wiped off….
We try to run away from it, and keep running till we successfully push it away…
Sometimes a nightout with friends, sometimes shopping or a movie, sometimes a short trip, sometimes reading or listening to songs, sometimes sleeping , or fighting or maybe remaining silent are our ways to push away that lull.
We derive temporary solace, and then gradually forget about that pahse- till it resurfaces.
Those negative phases in life are like a wave- which keep hitting the bank, temporarily- taking away the inner peace, sometimes silently sweeping off the sand, or at times hitting hard..in both the cases, there is silence once the waves retreat…the silence which is not ever lasting…the silence which is actually enjoyable……
In the story, Veronica, the protagonist is somehow saved, and ends up being sent to an asylum- a place for the mentally unstable people, and that is where she rediscovers her life….She had never thought this was her fate- to be treated like a mad.
If we look rationally at the doctor’s viewpoint, she was indeed a mad- unfit for the real world- where people are bound to face challenges, and not give up , not be weak enough to succumble to these pressures. Only the mental patients could take a step as bold as suicide!
Yet, if you think from a wider perspective- was she really a mad?
I don’t think so…
She was infact a lot wiser than most of us- because she was sensitive- sensitive towards the direction her life was taking, sensitive to her own thoughts, and also daring enough to take lead in putting an end to it.
She was unhappy with life, and thus she did not want to live it anymore…as simple as that!
I related with her logics, and her thoughts.
Her suicide attempt seemed justified- though by intellect and common sense, I know this wasnot a normal human behavior.
But the story did not end there…
She is told that though she is alive, her life was about to end, her heart was weak, and she could die in next 4 days.
Suddenly she is gripped by a fear- a fear of uncertainity..which actually is quite surprising, because she was the person who never wanted to live in the first place…
The countdown for her death begins, and this time, each minute is a pain for her. Unlike the time when sleeping pills worked, this time, she was afraid…maybe because this time things were not as per her plan. Her original plan had failed, and she no longer held control on her life.
In those few hours, she is confused about her own self- was she really a mad, like the doctors had concluded, or was she a sane person, misfit in the world of mad..
Then a question comes to her mind- who basically are the mad people!
That very question changes her whole perspective of life, and she decides to take benefit of the situation she was forcefully put in…
Since she was already considered a mad- she was no more obligated to follow the rules laid by the world of sane people..
she could play piano whenever she wanted, she could follow no routine, and listen only to her heart, she could talk the way she wanted- she could think the way she felt was right- unaffected by what others would think of her.
She was entitled to do what she wanted, and to ignore how it would affect others.
She was taught that if anyone has a problem with her madness- they would tell her to behave, else, it was their problem, and she need not bother.
She gradually realized that all the people around her were busy in their own lives, and her presence hardly mattered to them.
Just like they did not matter to her.
This rare discovery made her feel light- she was no longer obligated to please anyone, and that was when her natural behavior surfaced.
Gradually , her love for life resumes.She starts feeling a different kind of energy, that made her excited to live the life to its full course, and not just give up on it midway…
But , her countdown had already begun….
Whether she lives or she dies..is a question I cant answer yet, because I will have to read the book till its end..
Despite the interesting storyline involved, I can not bring myself to read this book further.
The book is too much of a thought process for me- it bares the appalling reality of human psyche…
Each page, each incidence unfolds a newer trait of humans in general…
This story isn’t about a single girl called Veronika- but is the life of every human with a heart and feelings..
It taps unexplained views about life…ones that are hard to digest for most of the sane people like you and me.Yet, the very concept of the book is that none of us is totally sane- we all are mad, and only have our own levels to curb that madness within.
Jumping in the rain could be madness for one person, idea of fun for another..
Singing despite being bad at it, dancing like a duck, crying like a baby, dedicating your life for something that you love – they all are madness … yet, those who do not hesistate in accepting that madness feel free- they live for themselves.
Those who fear the world, end up living the life others decide for them.
We all put efforts to suppress that madness, and to look normal among the other mad people- collectively, we all feel we are sane, well the fact is, how well we handle the balance between our mad desires and the social acceptance decides our personality, and the way we handle that pressure decides our mental peace.
What is needed for a peaceful living is to accept the madness in yourself, and to find ways to do the things that make you happy..Live like a mad- without caring how others may form an opinion about you, because the fact is – no one else really matters. Every one is busy in taking care of his own problems, and masking his own madness…
If you are in a good state of mind, then you radiate it, and the people around will benefit out of your madness…
If you are constantly under the pressure of living upto the expectations set by others- you will not have the space for your own personality to bloom- that pressure will not make you happy, and you will end up with the recurring feeling of void.
Each one of us has some calling- an interest which was never exploited, a passion that was often suppressed or went unnoticed.
For a moment, look within to discover that driving factor, which would fill the void - which would encourage the “Mad” within you to drive itself out of the shell of “social acceptance”…
Live life with no mental blockages--- freely! Passionately!
Friday, July 25, 2014
Of worship and Irony!
Rita lay on her bed- suffering from high fever.Barely able to stand up due to the weakness.
The negative aspect of living alone- you have to take care of yourself,in both thick and thin.
Somehow, she gathered the strength to reach for her handbag and take the prescribed dose of crocin.
"Never have paracetamol on an empty stomach", a voice from within reminded of her mothers' warning.
Without dilly dallying anymore, she got up from the bed, and headed straight to the kitchen- to have warm coffee and a toast.
There was leftover milk in the fridge- just one minute of wait, and coffee would soothe her paining throat.
As she clicked the lighter, no flame turned up- she calculated- 1 month since she had replaced the last cylinder. Gas cylinder needed to be changed.
Too much of an ask for a person whose body temperature touched 103.
She thought for a second, and halfheartedly, decided to ask her neighbors for help- they seemed to be good people, who always greeted her with a warm smile, especially in markets and public places.
Warming one cup of milk was no big favor, she convinced herself, before ringing their door bell.
After the second ring, the lady opened the wooden door, now looking at Rita through the mesh door.
"Yes, tell me?" she asked bluntly..the usual public smile was amiss.
"Aunty, i need a small favor from you." Rita informed, hoping the mesh door would be opened.
"Tell me?" the lady still did not bother to invite her inside.
"I am unwell, can you please warm this one cup of milk so that I can take medicine." Rita ignored the lack of respect showed to her, and informed the small favor she needed.
"I am doing worshipping right now. I will take atleast 1 more hour.I will contact you later." the lady replied, closing the door on Rita's face, to resume her bhajans- where she prayed to be made capable enough of being able to help the needy people...and praising Lord Krishna for the way he welcomed Sudaama to his palace.
The negative aspect of living alone- you have to take care of yourself,in both thick and thin.
Somehow, she gathered the strength to reach for her handbag and take the prescribed dose of crocin.
"Never have paracetamol on an empty stomach", a voice from within reminded of her mothers' warning.
Without dilly dallying anymore, she got up from the bed, and headed straight to the kitchen- to have warm coffee and a toast.
There was leftover milk in the fridge- just one minute of wait, and coffee would soothe her paining throat.
As she clicked the lighter, no flame turned up- she calculated- 1 month since she had replaced the last cylinder. Gas cylinder needed to be changed.
Too much of an ask for a person whose body temperature touched 103.
She thought for a second, and halfheartedly, decided to ask her neighbors for help- they seemed to be good people, who always greeted her with a warm smile, especially in markets and public places.
Warming one cup of milk was no big favor, she convinced herself, before ringing their door bell.
After the second ring, the lady opened the wooden door, now looking at Rita through the mesh door.
"Yes, tell me?" she asked bluntly..the usual public smile was amiss.
"Aunty, i need a small favor from you." Rita informed, hoping the mesh door would be opened.
"Tell me?" the lady still did not bother to invite her inside.
"I am unwell, can you please warm this one cup of milk so that I can take medicine." Rita ignored the lack of respect showed to her, and informed the small favor she needed.
"I am doing worshipping right now. I will take atleast 1 more hour.I will contact you later." the lady replied, closing the door on Rita's face, to resume her bhajans- where she prayed to be made capable enough of being able to help the needy people...and praising Lord Krishna for the way he welcomed Sudaama to his palace.
Friday, July 11, 2014
IT and Rains....
The dull black unix screen stared at me jesting at the
mundane monotony of my hard core corporate life. The taskbar of the laptop
screen displayed it was 4.30 PM- our usual time for a tea break, another 30
minutes to go before daily update call with the offshore team. Just enough time
to step out of the cubicle for a quick cigarette puff or to grab a bite of the
snacks served in cafeteria. As I stepped into the lift lobby, out of the white
lights in the work-area, I noticed the tiny droplets of water on big glass window-- a
sign that the much awaited monsoon had finally arrived….
A slight smile popped up on my face…I called for the lift, somehow struggling to maintain my professional demenaour. My manager too was waiting for the lift- slight nods were exchanged, as a substitute for the greetings.
The lift opened, and another set of colleagues were already inside it- probably discussing some project related issues…dull and alien to me.
I checked my phone, quite disinterested in the notifications of whatsapp messages , all of them would be the forwaded messages- already read and yet circulated again and again.
The lift stopped, and with all other people, I too stepped out…heading towards the canteen.
As I crossed the entrance door, I could not help but notice the drizzle of first rain- the cool breeze and sweet smell of wet mud—the much awaited arrival of first monsoon was a welcome change ….
I headed for the cafeteria, and the first instinct was to grab a cup of hot tea.
Hot tea, spicy pakoras , and tangy chutney- savoured and served inside the kitchen, or in the balcony, enjoying the cool breeze with family…Essential elements to celebrate the first rains.
The child within me could not resist the temptation of chilly pakoda, and so I checked the menu board on the cafeteria…
Idli sambhar, dosa, upma, khichdi, bread pakoda, samosa, dhokla- all the regular options , even the sight of which makes me go sick these days. I can’t blame myself- 2 years of exactly the same menu is enough to make anyone sick.
Half heartedly , I bought myself a cup of tea, and moved towards the secluded parking area, reminiscing the good old days…
Two of my other colleagues soon joined me, and the conversation set flowing-the awesome mausam was enough to set our mood--the cool winds took mind away to an altogether different direction.
I sometimes wonder, why college memories never tire us…why we always end up thinking about those days, yet each time the topic seems as interesting as ever.
Such conversations make me realize that every engineer from private colleges has the same set of experiences….same incidences of bunks..or calling names to the teachers, or cheating and “hardwork” during exams, or free time and timepasses……
Same with school days and childhood memories- everyone of our age gets excited over the same things,while discussing the gone days.
Every professional clad in formal dressing has a child inside- a child who enjoyed Uncle chipps and chocolates, who played Hide and seek, and got bored during classes, had a favorite teacher or a school rival…
Bringing that child alive, even for a short duration is refreshing.
Refreshing enough to be a reason for smile…
With that smile on my face, I glanced at my watch. It was 4.55. Time to head back for work, to return to the present, the real world…
The world which seems so fascinating from outside….
The world, which in reality remains exactly the same on week days- unaffected by weather, by mood, or by any such factor--- The world of white lights and white collars, the IT world..
A slight smile popped up on my face…I called for the lift, somehow struggling to maintain my professional demenaour. My manager too was waiting for the lift- slight nods were exchanged, as a substitute for the greetings.
The lift opened, and another set of colleagues were already inside it- probably discussing some project related issues…dull and alien to me.
I checked my phone, quite disinterested in the notifications of whatsapp messages , all of them would be the forwaded messages- already read and yet circulated again and again.
The lift stopped, and with all other people, I too stepped out…heading towards the canteen.
As I crossed the entrance door, I could not help but notice the drizzle of first rain- the cool breeze and sweet smell of wet mud—the much awaited arrival of first monsoon was a welcome change ….
I headed for the cafeteria, and the first instinct was to grab a cup of hot tea.
Hot tea, spicy pakoras , and tangy chutney- savoured and served inside the kitchen, or in the balcony, enjoying the cool breeze with family…Essential elements to celebrate the first rains.
The child within me could not resist the temptation of chilly pakoda, and so I checked the menu board on the cafeteria…
Idli sambhar, dosa, upma, khichdi, bread pakoda, samosa, dhokla- all the regular options , even the sight of which makes me go sick these days. I can’t blame myself- 2 years of exactly the same menu is enough to make anyone sick.
Half heartedly , I bought myself a cup of tea, and moved towards the secluded parking area, reminiscing the good old days…
Two of my other colleagues soon joined me, and the conversation set flowing-the awesome mausam was enough to set our mood--the cool winds took mind away to an altogether different direction.
I sometimes wonder, why college memories never tire us…why we always end up thinking about those days, yet each time the topic seems as interesting as ever.
Such conversations make me realize that every engineer from private colleges has the same set of experiences….same incidences of bunks..or calling names to the teachers, or cheating and “hardwork” during exams, or free time and timepasses……
Same with school days and childhood memories- everyone of our age gets excited over the same things,while discussing the gone days.
Every professional clad in formal dressing has a child inside- a child who enjoyed Uncle chipps and chocolates, who played Hide and seek, and got bored during classes, had a favorite teacher or a school rival…
Bringing that child alive, even for a short duration is refreshing.
Refreshing enough to be a reason for smile…
With that smile on my face, I glanced at my watch. It was 4.55. Time to head back for work, to return to the present, the real world…
The world which seems so fascinating from outside….
The world, which in reality remains exactly the same on week days- unaffected by weather, by mood, or by any such factor--- The world of white lights and white collars, the IT world..
Thursday, April 24, 2014
5 things that bother at 25…Quarter Life Crisis
We live in a country, where most of the population is youth- the people aged
from 20-30, whose life is often stressful, without any particular reason.They
have high ambitions and low self awareness, big dreams, but small bank
balances, huge network, but less friends…we basically are a confused
generation. While each one of us thinks that we are the only one with a bagful
of worries, the fact is, we all are in the same boat…
My idle brain is habitual of coming up with some weird lists. Today, I thought about some quarter life crisis faced by most of my peers, or me….
We have decent paying jobs, not so luxurious - yet tension free life, still we are not happy.Here’s why most of us are worried….
1. I will work hard, and hard and harder, but why?
Most of us are driven by motivation; we are brought up in a manner that we look for rewards before performing. “Finish your homework, and you will get a chocolate”. “Get 1st rank in class, and this GI joe is yours” these baits drove our childhood..
“Get selected in football team, and then the girls will start noticing you” “Hit the gym, and that handsome hunk will come drooling after you” Such motivations kept our spirits high during teenage..but what now?
For the initial years in jobs, most of us were fooled by the “promotion” and “hike” bait showed by the manager; but as we matured, the sad realization of lack of motivation dawns upon us.
We all have our individual “To Do” lists, but are just too lethargic to start working on it.
My idle brain is habitual of coming up with some weird lists. Today, I thought about some quarter life crisis faced by most of my peers, or me….
We have decent paying jobs, not so luxurious - yet tension free life, still we are not happy.Here’s why most of us are worried….
1. I will work hard, and hard and harder, but why?
Most of us are driven by motivation; we are brought up in a manner that we look for rewards before performing. “Finish your homework, and you will get a chocolate”. “Get 1st rank in class, and this GI joe is yours” these baits drove our childhood..
“Get selected in football team, and then the girls will start noticing you” “Hit the gym, and that handsome hunk will come drooling after you” Such motivations kept our spirits high during teenage..but what now?
For the initial years in jobs, most of us were fooled by the “promotion” and “hike” bait showed by the manager; but as we matured, the sad realization of lack of motivation dawns upon us.
We all have our individual “To Do” lists, but are just too lethargic to start working on it.
2. Pyaar me sau uljhaney hai, pyaar mat karma@ Relationship
woes/vows
Gone are the days of sweet romances and mushy relationships. By the age of 25, most of us have had one sided crushes, (probably on that most famous guy in school, who was always surrounded by the cool dudes, and we just stalked his FB profile) , or on that cute girl, who unfortunately was already committed to someone, while you were friend-zoned. The luckier ones have been into relationships, been there, done that! They have experienced the sweetness of loving and being loved- but soon the practical reality of “future” takes the better of them, and now they have that insurmountable void,and have learnt to live with the pain of heart break. Those small percentage, who manage to get sailing on the boat of love, usually face hell lot of difficulties. Such couples live the life of Alia and Arjun in 2 states. Convincing their families, struggling every day to make their love story a happily ever after type fairy tale.
The above 3 categories cover almost all the youth of today , if you still misfit in them…then you are probably one of those innocent mumma’s boy, or daddy's daughter, who is lucky to be left with some child like innocence. Doesn’t mean your life is unproblematic though – coz friends around you make you feel miserable by discussing their problems, you can not really relate to them, and feel frustrated for feeling left out ….
3. Hum kis gali jaa rahe hai..apna koi thikaana nahi…
Yes, Sid of wake up Sid and Hrithik of Lakshya are not just movie characters- they are a replica of our lives. We are hurtling along the highways of invincibility- reporting daily to our jobs, without knowing any destination or future. For most of us, we often go on introspective mode- and feel there is something missing- something that would make us happy.This is a recurring feeling, that fades momentarily in the company of friends, on a happy day, but in a minute of solitude, it returns. Despite a well paying job, a set routine, professional satisfaction and everything being fine…there is still this blankness. A blankness that gulfs almost all the youth- a craving for betterment.
Gone are the days of sweet romances and mushy relationships. By the age of 25, most of us have had one sided crushes, (probably on that most famous guy in school, who was always surrounded by the cool dudes, and we just stalked his FB profile) , or on that cute girl, who unfortunately was already committed to someone, while you were friend-zoned. The luckier ones have been into relationships, been there, done that! They have experienced the sweetness of loving and being loved- but soon the practical reality of “future” takes the better of them, and now they have that insurmountable void,and have learnt to live with the pain of heart break. Those small percentage, who manage to get sailing on the boat of love, usually face hell lot of difficulties. Such couples live the life of Alia and Arjun in 2 states. Convincing their families, struggling every day to make their love story a happily ever after type fairy tale.
The above 3 categories cover almost all the youth of today , if you still misfit in them…then you are probably one of those innocent mumma’s boy, or daddy's daughter, who is lucky to be left with some child like innocence. Doesn’t mean your life is unproblematic though – coz friends around you make you feel miserable by discussing their problems, you can not really relate to them, and feel frustrated for feeling left out ….
3. Hum kis gali jaa rahe hai..apna koi thikaana nahi…
Yes, Sid of wake up Sid and Hrithik of Lakshya are not just movie characters- they are a replica of our lives. We are hurtling along the highways of invincibility- reporting daily to our jobs, without knowing any destination or future. For most of us, we often go on introspective mode- and feel there is something missing- something that would make us happy.This is a recurring feeling, that fades momentarily in the company of friends, on a happy day, but in a minute of solitude, it returns. Despite a well paying job, a set routine, professional satisfaction and everything being fine…there is still this blankness. A blankness that gulfs almost all the youth- a craving for betterment.
4. Dost dost naa raha:
On first reading, this point may seem totally irrelevant- we all have over 500 contacts added on facebook, are glued to whatsapp whole day. We wake up with pings from one friend, and sleep wishing goodnight to another. Our life revolves around ‘likes’ and comments,yet, sometimes, in lonely moments, we fail to pick up any single contact to call and blabber. Friends are merely the “contacts” now- bound by relationships which thrive on forwarded messages. We no longer communicate, we only chat. These chats merely keep us busy, and help us live in a fake virtual world, where we are active, and self proclaimed socialites, yet, we are losing the essence of friendship.
Sadly, most of us lack true friends at the age of 25. We gradually realize that the chuddy buddies or school gang of hooligans, who knew us well have drifted apart for a long time now. They are more like acquaintances, to merely wish Holi Diwali. The college friends , who are somewhat closer by heart, are burdened by same problems like us, there are cities dividing us. We try being practical, and do not fuss about our busy lives.
Unfortunately, we earn money, but have no one to spend it with- we keep planning re unions- most of which never happen. We end up partying with office colleagues or peers, who usually, are just an interim arrangement….because deep within, we miss the old days, and wish to turn back time.
On first reading, this point may seem totally irrelevant- we all have over 500 contacts added on facebook, are glued to whatsapp whole day. We wake up with pings from one friend, and sleep wishing goodnight to another. Our life revolves around ‘likes’ and comments,yet, sometimes, in lonely moments, we fail to pick up any single contact to call and blabber. Friends are merely the “contacts” now- bound by relationships which thrive on forwarded messages. We no longer communicate, we only chat. These chats merely keep us busy, and help us live in a fake virtual world, where we are active, and self proclaimed socialites, yet, we are losing the essence of friendship.
Sadly, most of us lack true friends at the age of 25. We gradually realize that the chuddy buddies or school gang of hooligans, who knew us well have drifted apart for a long time now. They are more like acquaintances, to merely wish Holi Diwali. The college friends , who are somewhat closer by heart, are burdened by same problems like us, there are cities dividing us. We try being practical, and do not fuss about our busy lives.
Unfortunately, we earn money, but have no one to spend it with- we keep planning re unions- most of which never happen. We end up partying with office colleagues or peers, who usually, are just an interim arrangement….because deep within, we miss the old days, and wish to turn back time.
5. Upvote, like, +1, approve!
Yes, this is another big problem most of us face. We always seek approvals and appreciation.We compare ourselves with others, and in the process, we ignore our own strengths.
We worry about our health, not because we need to be fit, but because others around us are healthy. We click pics, not to create memories, but to upload and get likes. We buy new gadgets, not because they attract us, but because they attract the attention of others around us. We put make up or use photo editing softwares,just to hide our so called imperfections. We have become hypocrites, just to gain approval and acceptance.
We easily get affected by our surroundings, and turn a blind eye towards our own morals and principles.Though most of us will not admit, but deep within our mind, we are always in competition- not a healthy competition with our own self..but a blind race to imitate others. We no longer put efforts to carve our own personality, instead we try to get the best of everything, and end up with nothing but a confused dis satisfied soul…..
These , and many other such things are the main cause of mental unrest for the youth today.Lucky are the ones, who realise that life is too short to waste in worrying about these small things , which will ot even matter some years down the line. We take ourselves too seriously, no body else does!
No one even cares what we are, or how good or bad we feel..what actully matters is our own peace of mind, that comes internally...by loving yourself and by valuing each day of this beautiful life... :-)
Live it!
Love it!
Yes, this is another big problem most of us face. We always seek approvals and appreciation.We compare ourselves with others, and in the process, we ignore our own strengths.
We worry about our health, not because we need to be fit, but because others around us are healthy. We click pics, not to create memories, but to upload and get likes. We buy new gadgets, not because they attract us, but because they attract the attention of others around us. We put make up or use photo editing softwares,just to hide our so called imperfections. We have become hypocrites, just to gain approval and acceptance.
We easily get affected by our surroundings, and turn a blind eye towards our own morals and principles.Though most of us will not admit, but deep within our mind, we are always in competition- not a healthy competition with our own self..but a blind race to imitate others. We no longer put efforts to carve our own personality, instead we try to get the best of everything, and end up with nothing but a confused dis satisfied soul…..
These , and many other such things are the main cause of mental unrest for the youth today.Lucky are the ones, who realise that life is too short to waste in worrying about these small things , which will ot even matter some years down the line. We take ourselves too seriously, no body else does!
No one even cares what we are, or how good or bad we feel..what actully matters is our own peace of mind, that comes internally...by loving yourself and by valuing each day of this beautiful life... :-)
Live it!
Love it!
Disclaimer: This list may vary for each one of us, I just
jotted down the points based on my observations and among my limited friend
circle.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
4 things that matter the most..
It is during the troughs of life , that you realize the true importance of those things and people who really matter.
The things that often come up, only through deep introspection.The people, who may silently observe you fighting with fate, struggling to win, may warn you, may scold you , may even give up on efforts of explaining things to you- but it's those people, who ultimately pick you up, when you are broken, and will fix you up.
Like I always believe, happiness is a state of mind- but the state, which can not be bought, a state that can't be achieved in a flash of second.
One is never lonely on the bright sunny days, when you are all set to rock the world with your dazzling smile. Happy people , charming personalities and radiant smiles attract people.
It's easy to multiply joys in a happy mind, but it is during those dark moments of solitude, that you actually need some company- the people who can deal with your crap, and can share their smile with you, when you have lost yours....
They bring back your faith in life, and make you fit enough to fight back...
Over the past few days, I have greatly found some good things about life
The top most of the list is FAMILY... they are the best thing that has ever happened to mankind.Most of us tend to be ignorant when it comes to expressing our love towards those people who brought us on earth, or who have been with us since the time we started breathing...
We mostly take them for granted- mistake their affection as interference, mistake their care for possessiveness, and their advises as lectures. In the teenage jitters, we even secretly wish to run away from the restrictions, or the household discipline-we eagerly await the time when we can fly in the open sky, and explore the limitless world.....but after spending 3 years away from home, and having to deal with the "limitless world"- one craves for the safe and cosy home. It's a relief that however bad everything turns out to be- there is always a fall back point called Family. Even if you don't discuss your problems with them, they will watch your back - when no one is around , they invariably come to rescue- their silent support, and a soft word of care gives the strength to face everything . Despite the fact that friends are important, but even the closest friend can not replace family. Family is like the last candle left in life, that is kept in a corner, but comes to rescue when the torch's battery dies out ...
The other best thing to happen is life is FRIENDS. These are the people who face the same problems like you, and so, you can cry together and feel lighter in each others company. They make you realize that life is equally unfair to all of us, and because they don't take you so seriously, you can always blabber in front of them- without the fear of being taken to courtroom for all your weirdness or visiting a psychiatrist for getting lunatic.There is no fixed definition of a friend, but whatever the concept is- it is simply beautiful. At any stage of life, if there's a person , who can make you feel important, by just a patient hearing- that is a friend. They are the people who know the worst about you, and still handle you. They know when to take you seriously, and when to just make fun of your stupidities. They are the people, who will be willing to handle your mood swings - even at 4 am in the morning, and will introduce you to the good and bad things that you can together explore. Without friends, there is no sharing, no caring, no excitement--In short, having one good friend at every stage of life gives you the confidence to conquer the world. Even if you kick your enemy, and rush back to your friends- they will stand up to save you, they will arrange your bail if you are ever arrested, or will sit in the jail to give you company. They are your partners in weirdness, and punch bags to deal with your verbal bouts :-)
The third best thing to happen in life is LOVE- an emotion which is both over rated and under rated. Over rated by those who have experienced it, and under rated by those who have failed to fall in love till now. Something, which can not be explained- but can only be felt. When both family and friends fail- your lover comes to your rescue- a strong hug will melt you down, and a steady embrace will not solve any problem- but will make you feel needed. Even if you feel totally flawed, imperfect, careless and all useless-- the mere look in the eyes of your lover will make all you blind of all your shortcomings. The desire to make him happy, and the sense of responsibility towards him will give you the motivation to deal with your negativity. You will have to improve your mood, because you can not afford to spoil your lovers mood for long enough.
Even after crying incessantly for hours, you will have to step out of the dark room, and comb your hair, before meeting him. He will be the reason for you to take care of yourself- because you know there is atleast one person who cares if you are sad. :-) (Family and friends care too , but this care is quite different)
The next good thing is life is INTERNET. Yes, I agree that I may sound like a net addict here, but internet is a savior during bad moods- you can spend hours doing nothing over internet- yet, at the end of the day, you will find some solace, atleast temporarily. There are many people who share their experiences online, reading them all makes you motivated. There are articles like "20 things to know when you are 20" or "37 things people regret while dying" , or "places to visit before you die" or " 25 books you cant miss reading", "Movies that change the world"...these , and many similar lists divert your attention from the current problem- and give your life a new direction.
They encourage you to learn from mistakes done by others, they motivate you to explore more of the world, and they show you that some emotions are same throughout the world- that you are not the only person unhappy in the world.
Internet is a blessing, if used properly. You never know when you get one step forward in solving your problem, and through internet, taking those steps becomes easier.
There are many other good things in life, like good food, strong network of acquaintances, old photographs and memories, evening stroll and watching kids play, talking to strangers and finding out something new, giving and receiving compliments,helping and being helped, etc etc..they all bring happiness in small packets..
Even if our mind fails to admit this, but the fact is that we only live once, and it is totally upto us to live that one life happily.
Even though people complain that life is a challenge, still, there are new opportunities, there are good people, there are newer things in life- all one needs is to take a break, quick fix their lost mind and the gather the courage to explore this beautiful life :-)
The things that often come up, only through deep introspection.The people, who may silently observe you fighting with fate, struggling to win, may warn you, may scold you , may even give up on efforts of explaining things to you- but it's those people, who ultimately pick you up, when you are broken, and will fix you up.
Like I always believe, happiness is a state of mind- but the state, which can not be bought, a state that can't be achieved in a flash of second.
One is never lonely on the bright sunny days, when you are all set to rock the world with your dazzling smile. Happy people , charming personalities and radiant smiles attract people.
It's easy to multiply joys in a happy mind, but it is during those dark moments of solitude, that you actually need some company- the people who can deal with your crap, and can share their smile with you, when you have lost yours....
They bring back your faith in life, and make you fit enough to fight back...
Over the past few days, I have greatly found some good things about life
The top most of the list is FAMILY... they are the best thing that has ever happened to mankind.Most of us tend to be ignorant when it comes to expressing our love towards those people who brought us on earth, or who have been with us since the time we started breathing...
We mostly take them for granted- mistake their affection as interference, mistake their care for possessiveness, and their advises as lectures. In the teenage jitters, we even secretly wish to run away from the restrictions, or the household discipline-we eagerly await the time when we can fly in the open sky, and explore the limitless world.....but after spending 3 years away from home, and having to deal with the "limitless world"- one craves for the safe and cosy home. It's a relief that however bad everything turns out to be- there is always a fall back point called Family. Even if you don't discuss your problems with them, they will watch your back - when no one is around , they invariably come to rescue- their silent support, and a soft word of care gives the strength to face everything . Despite the fact that friends are important, but even the closest friend can not replace family. Family is like the last candle left in life, that is kept in a corner, but comes to rescue when the torch's battery dies out ...
The other best thing to happen is life is FRIENDS. These are the people who face the same problems like you, and so, you can cry together and feel lighter in each others company. They make you realize that life is equally unfair to all of us, and because they don't take you so seriously, you can always blabber in front of them- without the fear of being taken to courtroom for all your weirdness or visiting a psychiatrist for getting lunatic.There is no fixed definition of a friend, but whatever the concept is- it is simply beautiful. At any stage of life, if there's a person , who can make you feel important, by just a patient hearing- that is a friend. They are the people who know the worst about you, and still handle you. They know when to take you seriously, and when to just make fun of your stupidities. They are the people, who will be willing to handle your mood swings - even at 4 am in the morning, and will introduce you to the good and bad things that you can together explore. Without friends, there is no sharing, no caring, no excitement--In short, having one good friend at every stage of life gives you the confidence to conquer the world. Even if you kick your enemy, and rush back to your friends- they will stand up to save you, they will arrange your bail if you are ever arrested, or will sit in the jail to give you company. They are your partners in weirdness, and punch bags to deal with your verbal bouts :-)
The third best thing to happen in life is LOVE- an emotion which is both over rated and under rated. Over rated by those who have experienced it, and under rated by those who have failed to fall in love till now. Something, which can not be explained- but can only be felt. When both family and friends fail- your lover comes to your rescue- a strong hug will melt you down, and a steady embrace will not solve any problem- but will make you feel needed. Even if you feel totally flawed, imperfect, careless and all useless-- the mere look in the eyes of your lover will make all you blind of all your shortcomings. The desire to make him happy, and the sense of responsibility towards him will give you the motivation to deal with your negativity. You will have to improve your mood, because you can not afford to spoil your lovers mood for long enough.
Even after crying incessantly for hours, you will have to step out of the dark room, and comb your hair, before meeting him. He will be the reason for you to take care of yourself- because you know there is atleast one person who cares if you are sad. :-) (Family and friends care too , but this care is quite different)
The next good thing is life is INTERNET. Yes, I agree that I may sound like a net addict here, but internet is a savior during bad moods- you can spend hours doing nothing over internet- yet, at the end of the day, you will find some solace, atleast temporarily. There are many people who share their experiences online, reading them all makes you motivated. There are articles like "20 things to know when you are 20" or "37 things people regret while dying" , or "places to visit before you die" or " 25 books you cant miss reading", "Movies that change the world"...these , and many similar lists divert your attention from the current problem- and give your life a new direction.
They encourage you to learn from mistakes done by others, they motivate you to explore more of the world, and they show you that some emotions are same throughout the world- that you are not the only person unhappy in the world.
Internet is a blessing, if used properly. You never know when you get one step forward in solving your problem, and through internet, taking those steps becomes easier.
There are many other good things in life, like good food, strong network of acquaintances, old photographs and memories, evening stroll and watching kids play, talking to strangers and finding out something new, giving and receiving compliments,helping and being helped, etc etc..they all bring happiness in small packets..
Even if our mind fails to admit this, but the fact is that we only live once, and it is totally upto us to live that one life happily.
Even though people complain that life is a challenge, still, there are new opportunities, there are good people, there are newer things in life- all one needs is to take a break, quick fix their lost mind and the gather the courage to explore this beautiful life :-)
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Look for the Looks
Just one look - one look can change a lot!
I read an interesting thing today, over quora, a question was posted- "What is one thing, that you would want to unlearn? " Many people had answered many such things- from watching adult stuff, to drugs,smoking, to gossiping, there was a huge variety of things- but one answer made me think a little longer than usual. A guy had answered- "I want to unlearn that some people like the scared look on other faces, and derive pleasure out of it."
I could not stop myself from thinking about the bitter truth beautifully pointed out.
As if just to make his point clear, coincidentally, on TV, there was a scene being shown- where a guy attempted to rape the protagonist. The camera's focus did not fail to capture the expressions on both their faces- the lady was sobbing hysterically- her eyes pleading for mercy, her helplessness depicted through every possible angle from the camera's lens.....while the guy- he looked straight into her eyes, and a wicked smile bared the devil in him.
Instantly, I turned the television off.
I was agonized- not only due to the sight of a heinous crime , being brutally carried out-- but also because the look of their eyes scared me!
Suddenly , I felt bad- not because of the physical misery inflicted upon the girl- but because of the blind eye the guy had towards her pain.
How could he ignore the pleading look on her face?
Could he not see the tears rolling down?
What pleasure could he derive by using his physical strength on a person, who was so meek and helpless.... Could he not see her pitiable condition, and realize what he was doing!
Or, could he see her, and still choose not to look at her pain...
Sometimes I feel that looking at a thing, and seeing it are not the same...
To be able to see is a God's gift, but to look at things- one needs to develop a feeling of empathy.
Anyone with a pair of eyes can see, but only the people with heart can look at things.
If you are able to read this post- means you are lucky enough to be blessed with a vision- you are able to see the colorful world around you, and that is one of the biggest gifts God has bestowed upon you.
How and what you see depends on your perspective.
Has it ever happened to you - that you travel on a road with a friend and notice something- but your friend does not see it?
Has it ever happened to you, that someone can just look at your face, and tell about your mood- while others may not even notice.
Has it ever happened to you, that you realized your mother was angry, even before she says anything.
Don't you love the look on a friend's face, when you surprise him with an unexpected present.
Do you feel pained by the sad eyes, when you say goodbye to a beloved ones.
Sometimes, when with your lover, mere look of his/her eyes express the unspoken emotions.
Don't you think if we missed any of these looks- our life would lose its essence?
Looks matter a lot!
Only if we intend to watch out for the feelings behind all the looks- things would become so simple- we all would become so much more considerate and conscious of our own actions. Anyone would think twice before raping someone, before denying the kid of a toy which he craves for, before over loading our junior with work pressure,before lying to someone who really trusts us, before doing any bad thing to others!
PS: A friend asked me if I liked Ayn Rand, Daniel Kahneman, Nassim Taleb, or Malcolm Gladwell. All names sounded alien to me. I thought they would be come super cute hollywood stars :-P
PPS: The author in me was embarrassed to find out that they all are super famous autors of The fountainhead,Fast and Slow, Te Black Swan and The Tipping point respectively. Hope I can read these books sometime soon!
I read an interesting thing today, over quora, a question was posted- "What is one thing, that you would want to unlearn? " Many people had answered many such things- from watching adult stuff, to drugs,smoking, to gossiping, there was a huge variety of things- but one answer made me think a little longer than usual. A guy had answered- "I want to unlearn that some people like the scared look on other faces, and derive pleasure out of it."
I could not stop myself from thinking about the bitter truth beautifully pointed out.
As if just to make his point clear, coincidentally, on TV, there was a scene being shown- where a guy attempted to rape the protagonist. The camera's focus did not fail to capture the expressions on both their faces- the lady was sobbing hysterically- her eyes pleading for mercy, her helplessness depicted through every possible angle from the camera's lens.....while the guy- he looked straight into her eyes, and a wicked smile bared the devil in him.
Instantly, I turned the television off.
I was agonized- not only due to the sight of a heinous crime , being brutally carried out-- but also because the look of their eyes scared me!
Suddenly , I felt bad- not because of the physical misery inflicted upon the girl- but because of the blind eye the guy had towards her pain.
How could he ignore the pleading look on her face?
Could he not see the tears rolling down?
What pleasure could he derive by using his physical strength on a person, who was so meek and helpless.... Could he not see her pitiable condition, and realize what he was doing!
Or, could he see her, and still choose not to look at her pain...
Sometimes I feel that looking at a thing, and seeing it are not the same...
To be able to see is a God's gift, but to look at things- one needs to develop a feeling of empathy.
Anyone with a pair of eyes can see, but only the people with heart can look at things.
If you are able to read this post- means you are lucky enough to be blessed with a vision- you are able to see the colorful world around you, and that is one of the biggest gifts God has bestowed upon you.
How and what you see depends on your perspective.
Has it ever happened to you - that you travel on a road with a friend and notice something- but your friend does not see it?
Has it ever happened to you, that someone can just look at your face, and tell about your mood- while others may not even notice.
Has it ever happened to you, that you realized your mother was angry, even before she says anything.
Don't you love the look on a friend's face, when you surprise him with an unexpected present.
Do you feel pained by the sad eyes, when you say goodbye to a beloved ones.
Sometimes, when with your lover, mere look of his/her eyes express the unspoken emotions.
Don't you think if we missed any of these looks- our life would lose its essence?
Only if we intend to watch out for the feelings behind all the looks- things would become so simple- we all would become so much more considerate and conscious of our own actions. Anyone would think twice before raping someone, before denying the kid of a toy which he craves for, before over loading our junior with work pressure,before lying to someone who really trusts us, before doing any bad thing to others!
PS: A friend asked me if I liked Ayn Rand, Daniel Kahneman, Nassim Taleb, or Malcolm Gladwell. All names sounded alien to me. I thought they would be come super cute hollywood stars :-P
PPS: The author in me was embarrassed to find out that they all are super famous autors of The fountainhead,Fast and Slow, Te Black Swan and The Tipping point respectively. Hope I can read these books sometime soon!
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Songs that stick to the mind..
First things first!
I don't love blogging for no reason, it indeed is a lovely way to make strangers smile. I logged into this blogger account without any hope for a comment on my previous post- but was taken in for a pleasant surprise when I saw two comments, that too from the same stranger who motivated the lazy buff like me to return to this place...Life's good!
It's a Saturday evening ,when probably most people my age are busy roaming around /chilling with their friends- but the nerdy me and my ever so supportive room mate are too lethargic to leave the bed.
Mothers know their daughter too well, maybe that's why my mother just buzzed me, insisting to do a personal favor on myself, by dragging this 65 kgs of human flesh and bones till the balcony, and getting some fresh air...
I soon realized that the cool breeze is so refreshing! I love dusk- the beautiful hues of colors in the sky, kids playing in the gardens, teenagers jogging with headsets plugged in, the birds returning to their nests- everything is interesting- lively and active...
My mood suddenly changed.
When you have a decent playlist of songs in your phone, a hot cup of coffee, and a close friend to talk-- nothing can get better !
That's my ideal way to spend weekends- songs+ coffee + friends (or F.R.I.E.N.D.S) + lovely weather :-)
As the songs play, I get a feeling that some songs are really special- not only because of their soothing music, or sensible lyrics, but also because of the memories attached with them. Even if the years pass , those song still remind of some one, or some thing, and give a chance to relive the past.
There was a song from Lagaan movie- "Koi humse jeet na paaye, badhey chalo!" I listened to this song, before each paper in 10th board exams,it instilled a unique energy in me.It took away all my fear, and I thought if Amir can do wonders in cricket, I can perform well in exams too. During my 12th boards, "Chak de India" did the same magic.
Whenever i listen to these songs now, the same exam fear, and the last minute preparations cross my mind...
I ain't a dancer at all, still listening to "aiwei aiwei " and "banno rani" brings back the memories of sangeet preparation for my sister's wedding- each time and every time.
"Fashion ka hai ye jalwa" or "pappu cant dance saala!" reminds me of my college group dance practise, and the bunks we had because of it.
I am a totally pampered friend. During college, whenever I was upset, my best friend sang a particular song from "jaane tu ya jaane na " movie.If that didn't work "Musu musu haasi " did the trick.College days are long gone, yet, those songs remind of all the college memories.I always end up calling that friend , whenever these songs play anywhere, anytime!
Another friend dedicated "jaane kyu dil jaanta hai, tu hai toh I'll be alright" . Even the tune of this song reminds of that friend now.
There's a long list of such songs- some remind of me a person, some remind of any particular situation, sometimes they bring back smiling memories, or at times, the nostalgic tears roll down the face...
Music is a powerful medium......an instant remedy for mood changes..you never know which song might revive any old memory, and which may create a new one to be cherished for long......
PS: Can you imagine- me and my room mate literally danced in the balcony on the tunes of "baby doll me soney ki!" . We sang along in a volume that forced the onlookers to try locating us. Thank god we stay on 7th floor. :-D
PPS:I read an interesting article today, about a lady who was stranded on an island for 7 long years, and was later rescued when someone noticed her "SOS" symbol on Google earth.Reminds me of a movie called Castaway. SOS is the commonly used description for the international Morse code distress signal (· · · – – – · · ·). Technology is sometimes a blessing. :-)
It's a Saturday evening ,when probably most people my age are busy roaming around /chilling with their friends- but the nerdy me and my ever so supportive room mate are too lethargic to leave the bed
There was a song from Lagaan movie- "Koi humse jeet na paaye, badhey chalo!" I listened to this song, before each paper in 10th board exams,it instilled a unique energy in me.It took away all my fear, and I thought if Amir can do wonders in cricket, I can perform well in exams too. During my 12th boards, "Chak de India" did the same magic.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Welcome Me!
It is after such a long time that I have visited this small hideout place which I invented for myself years ago. I had almost forgotten my blog's URL, and even as I type, I do so with no hope of getting any readers.
But, i write today, to share a few updates that have been happening around....some good ones, some better ones :-) < I intended to write "bad ones" here, but then a close friend of mine has made me promise that I will throw out all negative words from my dictionary, so here's a first attempt for you buddy!>
First good thing which I noticed today is that life is full of surprises. One came to me, when i checked the ticker and saw some recent hits on this blog ..which means, even if I quit turning to this tiny space on huge network of worldwide web, yet, there are a few people , who still care about this dead inactive blog! ( or at least, I love to assume that they care :-P)
Well, to those imaginary readers, let me clarify- I am still alive ( though frequency of my posts, negates the above statement..but I promise the sudden increase in number of posts here, will prove it in days to come...)
If you wonder why I was missing like the lost MH310 aircraft, let me be honest, just like the aircraft, I have no sensible explanation for getting lost.. :-|
Unfortunately,I am not as important as the missing plane, and all the countries will not look into this matter of Missing Ishi very seriously. So, like Indian politicians, I will come with the best I can do for making up for the loss- I can merely criticize myself, do "Ninda" of my actions, and make promises for betterment in future. (hopefully not fake, like the ones made during elections and forgotten thereafter )
Anyways, enough of my failed attempt at being humorous. Just like Kangana Ranaut , said in Queen, "Mera sense of humor bahut acchha hai, aapko dheere dheere pata chal jaega!" ..I also assume that either you will gradually get used to my constant blabbering, or maybe through writing , my sense of humor will actually get improved .. :-P
The point is that I have decided to bring some major changes < read good changes> in my life- regular updates on this blog being one of them, learning one new thing everyday being another, and a long list of other things follow..which , we will figure out gradually.
I found a very interesting blog today, and have already spent over 3 hours reading it..I must say, it's one of the most entertaining blogs I have recently visted, mostly because the blogger is as confused as me, and is confident to write all her ugly mind's woes < anuglymind, is her pen name >.That blog, among many many other factors, has motivated me to return back to this blogging arena! :-)
So, with a loud round of applause, I welcome myself back to this beautiful world of blogging!
PS: Does anyone know who/ what is Spock?
I read it on that blog, and the writer promised to kill the readers who didnot know Spock...
So, if i don't return here soon. it means she has found me, and has killed me!
PPS: I Googled , and found out Spock is a character in Star Trek series, whose eyes brows are very weird.(See the image below )
That blogger claims that her eyebrows resemble Spock, that makes me curious to meet her now ..:-P
But, i write today, to share a few updates that have been happening around....some good ones, some better ones :-) < I intended to write "bad ones" here, but then a close friend of mine has made me promise that I will throw out all negative words from my dictionary, so here's a first attempt for you buddy!>
First good thing which I noticed today is that life is full of surprises. One came to me, when i checked the ticker and saw some recent hits on this blog ..which means, even if I quit turning to this tiny space on huge network of worldwide web, yet, there are a few people , who still care about this dead inactive blog! ( or at least, I love to assume that they care :-P)
Well, to those imaginary readers, let me clarify- I am still alive ( though frequency of my posts, negates the above statement..but I promise the sudden increase in number of posts here, will prove it in days to come...)
If you wonder why I was missing like the lost MH310 aircraft, let me be honest, just like the aircraft, I have no sensible explanation for getting lost.. :-|
Unfortunately,I am not as important as the missing plane, and all the countries will not look into this matter of Missing Ishi very seriously. So, like Indian politicians, I will come with the best I can do for making up for the loss- I can merely criticize myself, do "Ninda" of my actions, and make promises for betterment in future. (hopefully not fake, like the ones made during elections and forgotten thereafter )
The point is that I have decided to bring some major changes < read good changes> in my life- regular updates on this blog being one of them, learning one new thing everyday being another, and a long list of other things follow..which , we will figure out gradually.
I found a very interesting blog today, and have already spent over 3 hours reading it..I must say, it's one of the most entertaining blogs I have recently visted, mostly because the blogger is as confused as me, and is confident to write all her ugly mind's woes < anuglymind, is her pen name >.That blog, among many many other factors, has motivated me to return back to this blogging arena! :-)
So, with a loud round of applause, I welcome myself back to this beautiful world of blogging!
PS: Does anyone know who/ what is Spock?
I read it on that blog, and the writer promised to kill the readers who didnot know Spock...
So, if i don't return here soon. it means she has found me, and has killed me!
PPS: I Googled , and found out Spock is a character in Star Trek series, whose eyes brows are very weird.(See the image below )
That blogger claims that her eyebrows resemble Spock, that makes me curious to meet her now ..:-P
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)