Veronika decides to die- a book that I picked up half
heartedly, more because I was in a state when I did not know what i really
wanted to read , which genre of reading would soothe me…
There is a void in my life these days- a blankness, which I now discover is a baggage that everyone of my age carries at some stage in life…
When you are busy with work, your mind is totally engrossed- but whenever you are free, the thoughts pop up- and you think about the direction to which things are heading- only to discover that there is no direction at all- that each day is just the same as the past day, and the following day would be the same too.
We are often advisd to live in the moment, and that is so much well adapted , that we live only in the moment- focusing on the task in hand- ignoring the call of our mind, or the cry of our heart.
Whenener, there is a temporary shift of focus- we are in a state of dilemma- as to what to do next- to keep our mind busy.
At those moments, we calculate what all we gained in the gone years, and what all you could have lost in the process..
You miss certain things, regret others, and in this state of negativity- whatever we have in hand, we are hardly able to acknowledge it..
Earlier, I thought it was just me who had these mood swings- I felt weird about myself for feeling this way, and thought it was another of my mallices..
But, with great courage I talked about it to a friend, just to realize she too was in the same boat as me. This discovery made me feel less guilty about my own thoughts.
We talked about this to another friend, and there was a addition to our club..
And today, after discussing about this state with a lot of people, and reading about it a lot- I discover that we all are normal.
That every life is almost the same.
No one is completely satisfied with what we have, no one is happy all the time. We all have our regrets, our setbacks, unfulfilled dreams, unsaid words, unexpressed emotions- we all have another version of ourselves- which we hide- because of our own reasons.
This book- Veronika decides to die makes me dig deeper into this universal confusion.
The first few pages of the book took over my mind- more so , because it was so relatable.
The protagonist in the story decides to commit suicide- not because something major happened to change her life, like it does in most suicide cases that come into limelight…. But she decides to die because nothing interesting was happening to her, or she could foresee no change from the routine in the coming days..
She wasn’t sad or upset about anything- yet she wasn’t happy either.
That monotony, that certainty and that mundane routine took away her desire to live- and thus the bold decision.She felt even God would not mind her efforts to end the life he had beautifully bestowed upon her.She logically stated that if God was the creator of all, he would know that she will end it in this manner- because he was the one to decide her fate. She even convinced herself, that God was the one responsible for giving her this strength to end this routine set of events called –“her life”!
She wasn’t mad at all, nor suffering from any psychological ailment- because she was well in her senses.
Small and big things mattered to her- she cared how her parents would feel on looking at her mutilated body, she carefully chose her way to commit suicide- taking sleeping pills, that too one by one, so that she still had time to stop midway , in case she changed her mind.
She popped the pills while reading a magazine, even at those last moments , she had an opinion about the article which she read- not just an opinion, but such a strong opinion that she wrote a letter to the columnist as well….
Such was her state of mind…..sane, yet unstable!
I call it unstable, because probably she wasn’t any unusual or rare kind of person who suffered from this dilemma, yet , her conclusion to change her life was unusual..her way to se things was unusual..
We all live her life , atleast for some span of time!
Many a times, it happens that we lose interest, there is a constant void that prevails in our life- an irreplacable blankness, that can hardly be explained or wiped off….
We try to run away from it, and keep running till we successfully push it away…
Sometimes a nightout with friends, sometimes shopping or a movie, sometimes a short trip, sometimes reading or listening to songs, sometimes sleeping , or fighting or maybe remaining silent are our ways to push away that lull.
We derive temporary solace, and then gradually forget about that pahse- till it resurfaces.
Those negative phases in life are like a wave- which keep hitting the bank, temporarily- taking away the inner peace, sometimes silently sweeping off the sand, or at times hitting hard..in both the cases, there is silence once the waves retreat…the silence which is not ever lasting…the silence which is actually enjoyable……
In the story, Veronica, the protagonist is somehow saved, and ends up being sent to an asylum- a place for the mentally unstable people, and that is where she rediscovers her life….She had never thought this was her fate- to be treated like a mad.
If we look rationally at the doctor’s viewpoint, she was indeed a mad- unfit for the real world- where people are bound to face challenges, and not give up , not be weak enough to succumble to these pressures. Only the mental patients could take a step as bold as suicide!
Yet, if you think from a wider perspective- was she really a mad?
I don’t think so…
She was infact a lot wiser than most of us- because she was sensitive- sensitive towards the direction her life was taking, sensitive to her own thoughts, and also daring enough to take lead in putting an end to it.
She was unhappy with life, and thus she did not want to live it anymore…as simple as that!
I related with her logics, and her thoughts.
Her suicide attempt seemed justified- though by intellect and common sense, I know this wasnot a normal human behavior.
But the story did not end there…
She is told that though she is alive, her life was about to end, her heart was weak, and she could die in next 4 days.
Suddenly she is gripped by a fear- a fear of uncertainity..which actually is quite surprising, because she was the person who never wanted to live in the first place…
The countdown for her death begins, and this time, each minute is a pain for her. Unlike the time when sleeping pills worked, this time, she was afraid…maybe because this time things were not as per her plan. Her original plan had failed, and she no longer held control on her life.
In those few hours, she is confused about her own self- was she really a mad, like the doctors had concluded, or was she a sane person, misfit in the world of mad..
Then a question comes to her mind- who basically are the mad people!
That very question changes her whole perspective of life, and she decides to take benefit of the situation she was forcefully put in…
Since she was already considered a mad- she was no more obligated to follow the rules laid by the world of sane people..
she could play piano whenever she wanted, she could follow no routine, and listen only to her heart, she could talk the way she wanted- she could think the way she felt was right- unaffected by what others would think of her.
She was entitled to do what she wanted, and to ignore how it would affect others.
She was taught that if anyone has a problem with her madness- they would tell her to behave, else, it was their problem, and she need not bother.
She gradually realized that all the people around her were busy in their own lives, and her presence hardly mattered to them.
Just like they did not matter to her.
This rare discovery made her feel light- she was no longer obligated to please anyone, and that was when her natural behavior surfaced.
Gradually , her love for life resumes.She starts feeling a different kind of energy, that made her excited to live the life to its full course, and not just give up on it midway…
But , her countdown had already begun….
Whether she lives or she dies..is a question I cant answer yet, because I will have to read the book till its end..
Despite the interesting storyline involved, I can not bring myself to read this book further.
The book is too much of a thought process for me- it bares the appalling reality of human psyche…
Each page, each incidence unfolds a newer trait of humans in general…
This story isn’t about a single girl called Veronika- but is the life of every human with a heart and feelings..
It taps unexplained views about life…ones that are hard to digest for most of the sane people like you and me.Yet, the very concept of the book is that none of us is totally sane- we all are mad, and only have our own levels to curb that madness within.
Jumping in the rain could be madness for one person, idea of fun for another..
Singing despite being bad at it, dancing like a duck, crying like a baby, dedicating your life for something that you love – they all are madness … yet, those who do not hesistate in accepting that madness feel free- they live for themselves.
Those who fear the world, end up living the life others decide for them.
We all put efforts to suppress that madness, and to look normal among the other mad people- collectively, we all feel we are sane, well the fact is, how well we handle the balance between our mad desires and the social acceptance decides our personality, and the way we handle that pressure decides our mental peace.
What is needed for a peaceful living is to accept the madness in yourself, and to find ways to do the things that make you happy..Live like a mad- without caring how others may form an opinion about you, because the fact is – no one else really matters. Every one is busy in taking care of his own problems, and masking his own madness…
If you are in a good state of mind, then you radiate it, and the people around will benefit out of your madness…
If you are constantly under the pressure of living upto the expectations set by others- you will not have the space for your own personality to bloom- that pressure will not make you happy, and you will end up with the recurring feeling of void.
Each one of us has some calling- an interest which was never exploited, a passion that was often suppressed or went unnoticed.
For a moment, look within to discover that driving factor, which would fill the void - which would encourage the “Mad” within you to drive itself out of the shell of “social acceptance”…
Live life with no mental blockages--- freely! Passionately!
There is a void in my life these days- a blankness, which I now discover is a baggage that everyone of my age carries at some stage in life…
When you are busy with work, your mind is totally engrossed- but whenever you are free, the thoughts pop up- and you think about the direction to which things are heading- only to discover that there is no direction at all- that each day is just the same as the past day, and the following day would be the same too.
We are often advisd to live in the moment, and that is so much well adapted , that we live only in the moment- focusing on the task in hand- ignoring the call of our mind, or the cry of our heart.
Whenener, there is a temporary shift of focus- we are in a state of dilemma- as to what to do next- to keep our mind busy.
At those moments, we calculate what all we gained in the gone years, and what all you could have lost in the process..
You miss certain things, regret others, and in this state of negativity- whatever we have in hand, we are hardly able to acknowledge it..
Earlier, I thought it was just me who had these mood swings- I felt weird about myself for feeling this way, and thought it was another of my mallices..
But, with great courage I talked about it to a friend, just to realize she too was in the same boat as me. This discovery made me feel less guilty about my own thoughts.
We talked about this to another friend, and there was a addition to our club..
And today, after discussing about this state with a lot of people, and reading about it a lot- I discover that we all are normal.
That every life is almost the same.
No one is completely satisfied with what we have, no one is happy all the time. We all have our regrets, our setbacks, unfulfilled dreams, unsaid words, unexpressed emotions- we all have another version of ourselves- which we hide- because of our own reasons.
This book- Veronika decides to die makes me dig deeper into this universal confusion.
The first few pages of the book took over my mind- more so , because it was so relatable.
The protagonist in the story decides to commit suicide- not because something major happened to change her life, like it does in most suicide cases that come into limelight…. But she decides to die because nothing interesting was happening to her, or she could foresee no change from the routine in the coming days..
She wasn’t sad or upset about anything- yet she wasn’t happy either.
That monotony, that certainty and that mundane routine took away her desire to live- and thus the bold decision.She felt even God would not mind her efforts to end the life he had beautifully bestowed upon her.She logically stated that if God was the creator of all, he would know that she will end it in this manner- because he was the one to decide her fate. She even convinced herself, that God was the one responsible for giving her this strength to end this routine set of events called –“her life”!
She wasn’t mad at all, nor suffering from any psychological ailment- because she was well in her senses.
Small and big things mattered to her- she cared how her parents would feel on looking at her mutilated body, she carefully chose her way to commit suicide- taking sleeping pills, that too one by one, so that she still had time to stop midway , in case she changed her mind.
She popped the pills while reading a magazine, even at those last moments , she had an opinion about the article which she read- not just an opinion, but such a strong opinion that she wrote a letter to the columnist as well….
Such was her state of mind…..sane, yet unstable!
I call it unstable, because probably she wasn’t any unusual or rare kind of person who suffered from this dilemma, yet , her conclusion to change her life was unusual..her way to se things was unusual..
We all live her life , atleast for some span of time!
Many a times, it happens that we lose interest, there is a constant void that prevails in our life- an irreplacable blankness, that can hardly be explained or wiped off….
We try to run away from it, and keep running till we successfully push it away…
Sometimes a nightout with friends, sometimes shopping or a movie, sometimes a short trip, sometimes reading or listening to songs, sometimes sleeping , or fighting or maybe remaining silent are our ways to push away that lull.
We derive temporary solace, and then gradually forget about that pahse- till it resurfaces.
Those negative phases in life are like a wave- which keep hitting the bank, temporarily- taking away the inner peace, sometimes silently sweeping off the sand, or at times hitting hard..in both the cases, there is silence once the waves retreat…the silence which is not ever lasting…the silence which is actually enjoyable……
In the story, Veronica, the protagonist is somehow saved, and ends up being sent to an asylum- a place for the mentally unstable people, and that is where she rediscovers her life….She had never thought this was her fate- to be treated like a mad.
If we look rationally at the doctor’s viewpoint, she was indeed a mad- unfit for the real world- where people are bound to face challenges, and not give up , not be weak enough to succumble to these pressures. Only the mental patients could take a step as bold as suicide!
Yet, if you think from a wider perspective- was she really a mad?
I don’t think so…
She was infact a lot wiser than most of us- because she was sensitive- sensitive towards the direction her life was taking, sensitive to her own thoughts, and also daring enough to take lead in putting an end to it.
She was unhappy with life, and thus she did not want to live it anymore…as simple as that!
I related with her logics, and her thoughts.
Her suicide attempt seemed justified- though by intellect and common sense, I know this wasnot a normal human behavior.
But the story did not end there…
She is told that though she is alive, her life was about to end, her heart was weak, and she could die in next 4 days.
Suddenly she is gripped by a fear- a fear of uncertainity..which actually is quite surprising, because she was the person who never wanted to live in the first place…
The countdown for her death begins, and this time, each minute is a pain for her. Unlike the time when sleeping pills worked, this time, she was afraid…maybe because this time things were not as per her plan. Her original plan had failed, and she no longer held control on her life.
In those few hours, she is confused about her own self- was she really a mad, like the doctors had concluded, or was she a sane person, misfit in the world of mad..
Then a question comes to her mind- who basically are the mad people!
That very question changes her whole perspective of life, and she decides to take benefit of the situation she was forcefully put in…
Since she was already considered a mad- she was no more obligated to follow the rules laid by the world of sane people..
she could play piano whenever she wanted, she could follow no routine, and listen only to her heart, she could talk the way she wanted- she could think the way she felt was right- unaffected by what others would think of her.
She was entitled to do what she wanted, and to ignore how it would affect others.
She was taught that if anyone has a problem with her madness- they would tell her to behave, else, it was their problem, and she need not bother.
She gradually realized that all the people around her were busy in their own lives, and her presence hardly mattered to them.
Just like they did not matter to her.
This rare discovery made her feel light- she was no longer obligated to please anyone, and that was when her natural behavior surfaced.
Gradually , her love for life resumes.She starts feeling a different kind of energy, that made her excited to live the life to its full course, and not just give up on it midway…
But , her countdown had already begun….
Whether she lives or she dies..is a question I cant answer yet, because I will have to read the book till its end..
Despite the interesting storyline involved, I can not bring myself to read this book further.
The book is too much of a thought process for me- it bares the appalling reality of human psyche…
Each page, each incidence unfolds a newer trait of humans in general…
This story isn’t about a single girl called Veronika- but is the life of every human with a heart and feelings..
It taps unexplained views about life…ones that are hard to digest for most of the sane people like you and me.Yet, the very concept of the book is that none of us is totally sane- we all are mad, and only have our own levels to curb that madness within.
Jumping in the rain could be madness for one person, idea of fun for another..
Singing despite being bad at it, dancing like a duck, crying like a baby, dedicating your life for something that you love – they all are madness … yet, those who do not hesistate in accepting that madness feel free- they live for themselves.
Those who fear the world, end up living the life others decide for them.
We all put efforts to suppress that madness, and to look normal among the other mad people- collectively, we all feel we are sane, well the fact is, how well we handle the balance between our mad desires and the social acceptance decides our personality, and the way we handle that pressure decides our mental peace.
What is needed for a peaceful living is to accept the madness in yourself, and to find ways to do the things that make you happy..Live like a mad- without caring how others may form an opinion about you, because the fact is – no one else really matters. Every one is busy in taking care of his own problems, and masking his own madness…
If you are in a good state of mind, then you radiate it, and the people around will benefit out of your madness…
If you are constantly under the pressure of living upto the expectations set by others- you will not have the space for your own personality to bloom- that pressure will not make you happy, and you will end up with the recurring feeling of void.
Each one of us has some calling- an interest which was never exploited, a passion that was often suppressed or went unnoticed.
For a moment, look within to discover that driving factor, which would fill the void - which would encourage the “Mad” within you to drive itself out of the shell of “social acceptance”…
Live life with no mental blockages--- freely! Passionately!
Live life with no mental blockages--- freely! Passionately!
ReplyDeleteAwesome lines Ishita.. A worth reading blog.
Your writing is a light in a dark land.. it always been a pleasure to read your blog.
Keeo rocking.