The Interview-- A Short story..

It was around 4 in the noon, Jia was busy giving the last minute touches to her makeup. She rechecked herself in front of the mirror, just one last time before stepping out into the reality of the world- before meeting Kaushik- before the “interview”. Mentally, she revised the long list of questions she had prepared, took a deep breath and brought back the lost smile on her otherwise glowing face. Sometimes, one has to be strong and take bold decisions, move with the flow of life..in the direction that leads to unknown destinations..but that is destiny-The power of fate. The sense of responsibility. The true meaning of love.The saddest irony of life. Looking at her, the radiance of her smile, the serenity of her face and simplicity of her looks, anyone could get flattered. Kaushik was no exception. The light pink salwaar suit reflected on her fair skin. The black kaajal complimented her big and innocent eyes. She was born attractive, but her beautiful heart complimented the looks, and made her a perfect prospect. She was always the one to value relationships, and make sacrifices for her beloved ones. If things were to move her way, she could take all the pain of the world upon herself and still be happy to make others smile. That was exactly what she was doing right now. She hid the deep pain that bore in her heart, the dreams that were shattered, and the hopes that never got fulfilled. Yet, she was satisfied; she was a responsible daughter, who had decided to give up her first love for the love of her parents. She had to go and meet Kaushik, she had to marry him. She loved Anky, but life and love are the most painful things. Moreover, she herself was unsure, if the bonding between her and Anky was that of love, or was it merely a strong friendship, wrongly interpreted as love. Love, what this really meant.People keep writing and talking big and heavy words about it, that it brought pain, it made life miserable. If that was Love, then why people longed for it? Why was life so complicated, could there be no simple parameter to decide these crucial things of life- like love, friendship, future? Life would have been simpler, if there was some way to be self aware, to know your own feelings and define them. If only she could be sure of her own feelings towards Anky, if only she could be confident enough to tell her parents about him, to atleast express her desire to marry him.Maybe they could have given it a thought. Though that was unlikely to happen at this stage. Rejection—the most feared word. No, it was not the time to think about all these”ifs” and “buts”. Things were decided. She was going for the “interview”. That is how she treated it. She was given 2 hours to talk to a guy, discuss all that she wanted, and finally conclude if he could be a life partner. It was similar to the job interviews, only the stakes were much higher. Her life was at stake, her future was at stake. There was no pressure from her parents’ side, neither from Kaushik’s side. They could always “reject” each other—but she was honest atleast to herself. She loved Anky, and could happily live with him forever, but since the practicalities of the real world did not allow them to have a future together, so she was ready to accept whatever life had to offer. She would adjust with whoever her parents thought was suitable for her. This interview was merely a formality now. She knew the outcome of this “interview”.There was no chance of rejection. Their families had discussed this matrimonial alliance, they had interacted a few times over the phone, photographs had been exchanged. Kaushik was smart, well educated, well settled, caring and clearly her parents’ first choice among the many other proposals they had received for Jia. He was not like Anky, but maybe he was good in his own ways. She brushed aside the thoughts of Anky. He was a past now. Kaushik was her future. She picked up her handbag, and left..locking her past behind the doors..marching ahead for the future. She signaled for an auto and directed him to leave for SJS mall. The place where she and Anky often met, the same place where she had finally broken off with him. It was almost a week now, when she was informed about Kaushik and this meeting. Her heart ached revisiting that sleepless night. …the worst conversation she had with Anky- “Jia, I know my stand well. I love you and I am sure about marrying you. Do you love me?” he had put forward the question directly for the first time. The question sent goosebumps for Jia, her heart rejoiced at the proposal she had just received. Tears of joy rolled her down her cheeks. She wanted the time to stop, so that she could live this moment forever. She wanted to shout at her loudest volume—“Yes! Yes! Yes! I love you too..and I want to marry you!!” Instead she softly replied—“I do not know if it is love, yes , you are special. I know I can be happy with you. Life would be perfect if we stayed together. But Anky, we both know it’s not feasible.” And she was silent now..no words could explain the pain in her heart. “It’s not impossible Jia, trust me! Give me some time! You know I am working hard! I get a promotion in next 3 months, and then a salary hike as well. Can’t you give me that much time?” he begged. “I can give you all my time Anky, I have been giving you all my time..for the past so many months..all my time, all my thoughts, all my actions, everything just revolved around you. But, I cannot make promises that I can’t fulfill” “I do not ask you for promises Jia, just convince your parents! 3 months is all that I need!” “Anky, convince them on what basis? What should I tell them-that you may have been the best parents ever, you may be worried about my marriage, you maybe getting excited about seeing me as a bride, you may have hunted for a perfect gentleman with a handsome salary, and good background, you maybe dreaming of a happy future for me! But sorry Mom and dad, I do not care! I want to marry someone who is exactly my age, facing the same career struggle that I face ,who loves me a lot, yet cannot ask you for my hand, nor is in a position to talk to his own parents unless his career reaches some stability.” Her heart ached at the harsh words she had just uttered. But it was a reality. “Jia, I am not yet prepared. Please tell me what should I do, things take some time, I am just 23, I am sure whoever your parents find for you would be older than me..and obviously at a greater career position than me.” “Anky, I am sorry! I cannot hurt my parents. I cannot tell them about us, coz you are not prepared. I cannot cheat them and you by carrying on in this relationship! I want to call it off!” she was shocked at her own decision! “Jia, it’s not about a day or two.But a question of lifetime- would you be able to live forever with someone you don’t love?” “Love happens as you spend some time with a person. My parents had an arranged marriage. They love each other. Your parents had a similar case! Anky, we both have to move on!” There was a moment of deadly silence, of helplessness. He got up and left. Left her, left her life……. She got up, and left for her home in opposite direction… It had been a week and they had not talked. Each minute they thought of one another, yet, they succumbed to fate. It was her fate, that she had to meet Kaushik…maybe Anky too would meet someone soon. The auto came to a halt. She had reached SJS. As she stepped into the mall to meet Kaushik, a message beeped into her phone. She was relieved to hear from him , after 7 long days. She did not care, if Kaushik was waiting for her..she opened the message that read--- “Today is the turning point of your life dear. All the best. Go and talk with an open mind, it’s a question of your life..make a wise decision..i cannot let my princess go to someone who does not deserve her. Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. I loved a girl and the memory of that love is enough for me to spend entire life. I understand your concern for your parents and my inability to convince them about us at this stage. I have no doubts that together , we could be the happiest couple..but maybe fate has something else in store..You don’t feel bad about anything..you are playing your role of a daughter..play it with perfection- like you play all other roles- a friend, a lover, a girlfriend and most important a companion through thick and thin. Now go on..your future awaits you…..” Just then her phone vibrated, it was Kaushik’s call, he was waiting for her….

Single or committed-does that matter? I am happy!

I recently saw the movie- Pyaar ka punchnama, I know its very late to give a review of the movie..nor am I doing the same..but the movie left me in a trance. It made me ponder what basically love is, or is there anything called love at all? That day I read all the facebook status messages or the posts about the love and tried to figure out the emotions behind them and when I read them consciously, not just for the sake of liking or commenting on them, then I realized the sad irony that most of them spoke of heartbreak, or sadness, or pain, of trying to forget the other person, of trying to move on, some were even shockingly to the extent of cursing their ex lovers ! It made me go back and think upon the very fundamental behind this most popular trend of today’s gen next- quick fix relationships. Here I would like to request those who are committed or in a happy relationship to skip reading further, as maybe you do not like or agree to my viewpoints. For you guys, love is an eternal feeling that gives strength and makes everything look good! I totally respect and agree to your opinions..but presently I talk about not so sweet love relationships. Those who have had atleast two relationships till date..or those who have always been happily single..i may make some sense to you! Well, is falling in love just about one person proposing, the other one giving it a thought, then remembering all the good times spent together, of all the jokes where you laughed, or the innocence of the proposal, or the special feeling when with that person, of how the times that seem to fly when with that person …and then you feel life is incomplete without that person..that when these few days of acquaintance can be so joyous..why not say yes and have a wonderful life forever! So after so called giving it a thought, the other person says a “YES” and then it all begins. Then suddenly you feel like sharing all details small and big of how your day was, how your mood is , talk more often, spend time together, laugh even more, and that is when you feel committed to that person. The person feels like an indispensible part and you build boulevards of dreams, a fantasy world above the common crowd, you feel special, that your love life is different from the world, that you are perfect together. But as you discover more of the person, the otherwise neglected things also become noticeably wrong! And since you share each and every detail..you lose your privacy..you try to seek more attention and then the very essence of the relationship starts losing its effect.

You no longer laugh as freely as you used to do, because most of the time is passed in resolving the issues. You no longer feel the same excitement in meeting that person, because you already are glued on phone 24/ 7 and there is practically nothing to talk about. Some people go to the extent of talking sweet and cheesy stuff, building the dreams of future, but when it comes to even small matters like not picking up the call within 4 rings..you fight upon it! Do you expect to make a future out of such relationship, where such small matters initiate a brawl! Sorry folks, but rewind your good days- when you talked because you wanted to, not had to! That could have been love..but love does not need to give pains..if it starts getting a pain in the neck..it’s always better to give each other some time off..rethink if that “yes” was said in a haste..or was that proposal made just because everywhere around we see people getting commited! Its okay to be single, but do we really need to hurry into relationships and later regret ! Its not just a fashion trend to be in a relationship..its really ok if you just have many friends and a peaceful life! You do not need to take your good friendships to a newer level, from where it becomes difficult even to remain “just friends”! So before proposing to someone, rethink! Do you need to label your relationship? Are you really serious and look for a future together? Or do you want to enjoy being in relationship for some time , then start facing the woes associated with it and end up a otherwise beautiful relationship on non talking terms! Being single is fun!

RESPECT THEM!!

A strange incidence happened today- which made me ponder upon the blindfold we have put on, to see only what is important or may turn to be of any use in some point of our lives.In this mad race, we tend to ignore so many people, relations, emotions and the beauty of life that is something to cherish.

Daily when i walk down to my bus stop in the morning, there are same faces , at same places i see regularly.But since morning time is always a hassled one, so i hardly acknowledged anyone.

In our apartment , there is an aged gentleman, around 70 years of age, who daily sits under a tree on the same bench in the morning, and silently watches the people passing by.I had never noticed him until one day he asked me- " young lady, what is the time?"

I was impressed by his mannerisms and his confident voice ( not expected of people from his generation). anyways, i told him the time and moved ahead, for a split second I wondered what could be the value of time for him when all he did was to sit and think.

Anyways, from the next day onwards, whenever i crossed him , he used to smile at me, and i reciprocated the gesture- no words ever exchanged. This "smile bond" had been a relationship with him since that day of developing an acquaintance. with him

This morning, i was not in the best of my moods, had a rough weekend and was homesick, still life moves on- so i tried my best possible to attune to the hectic week that laid ahead.Dressed formally, the same smile, same walk, same time- no one could figure out the mood i was in. I wore my mask of professionalism.

Following his tradition, the gentleman saw me, smiled and i smiled back. I realized i had smiled after 2 days, it was a good feeling, though a fake smile , yet it helped. i moved ahead. But the gentleman called me from behind- " excuse me miss! "

I halted and turned to face him, looking at my watch, thinking he needed to know the time again.

But this time it was something else.

" how are you? " he asked.

I was surprised, he had never exchanged any word or pleasantries with me, but his concern made me feel happy.

I smiled back, and lied that i was fine.There was no reason to tell this stranger about the bad mood, or the large pool of problems that ailed me.

He smiled back, and what he said was a bigger surprise for me- " no , you are not fine lady. Today your smile is a fake one. Whatever your problem is- it will be solved soon. Have faith ! A new week ensures a new beginning. Have a great week ahead."

He was silent now, and so was i.

Today i understood that he did not waste his time sitting there , each morning, but he noticed the people around, studied them and their moods and this was his way of connecting to the world.

When everyone is busy in their own problems and entanglements, there is this handful of people, having years of experience in the journey called life- they are people who need nothing in return for the love and compassion they shower. They are the elderly people, who need just a little care and affection, and they shower all their blessings and support.

Respect them! Love them!

Today is not any major day for thinking about old people, or to pledge to go to any old-age homes and do social services-- Yet, i feel like doing something for them..and even if you don't wish to go an extra mile, atleast acknowledge them and their presence.

Just Like That :)

Early morning- bright sun- heavy traffic- a brain running faster than a super fast train and the body functioning at a pace that may even compete with jet plane—not an ideal environment to write, but circumstances cant’ hold barriers for a thinkers mind ..
Trust me, to see elderly people dressed up in suits and formals- one can visualize them in official meetings –but I daily see them sleeping (with their mouths open :P) in the offise bus, with latest gadgets jeering at their monotony and headsets singing the same collection of songs daily into their ears, same time-same stern expressions—same Economic times headlines .Same routine- wake up at 6, travel- work-travel-reach home-sleep-wake up and it follows till weekend. It makes me ponder upon the kind of life we are leading, is it what we really want? It reminds me of my favourite poem “leisure” by WH Davies—What is this life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare..
In the computer world, there are machines, in the IT world-we are called resources. In a few days one realizes that sharks look very handsome in crisp suits and not everyone who smiles at you is your friend. The urge for being independent , the ambition to prove oneself- the high spirit to change the world and make some difference, the firm self belief that we will make a stand in this world.. all fades gradually. We tend to get lost in the big bad world. Its sad- but we have to accept this inevitable part of life- to compete, to struggle , to work hard and to attune to this fast paced life—there is no turning back or alternate.
But despite one’s best efforts to dutifully perform in this mad race, sometimes in a moment of solitude even the impeccably suited-booted CEO reminiscences about the direction of life- how things have changed- how definitions have altered—how he has evolved from a kid to grown up..
At some stage, each one of us wants to relive those lollipop days. When missing the school bus gave an opportunity to miss school and play at home. when staying awake till 10 at night meant sleeping late, when good food meant eating at restaurant, when being busy meant reducing play time by a few minutes, when not talking to a friend meant a few minutes of anger, when “tu” was used to address everyone, when even 2 month long summer break appeared not enough, when there were no responsibilities, when anger or frustration over small things could be let out by shouting or crying- when we always had friends to support us, when the only concern was yearly exams, when promotion meant getting new books, new class teacher and friends, when performance meant exam results. When going to school appeared tiring, when goodbye meant a bye till next day, when people wore masks only during games. When toys were used to pass time, when newspaper reading meant cartoon column …

Today reading any quote or message about the childhood ,or even the college days pops up a smile on our face and atleast for one second each one of us wishes to relive those lovely phase of time—but that’s not an option—so I, just like all other grown ups, brush aside the thoughts and try to make the most of the “present” ..
Cherishing the smile that those beautiful memories of innocence brought up on the face..
Will post soon. Keep smiling till then!!:)

"I"

i-a letter among 26 alphabets-'I', a word among others in the dictionary.--"I", an individual among the crowd of the world.
i, so meek, so small, unnoticable-yet important and one of its kind.
for others i maybe just someone-but for a few people, i maybe irreplacable.
for others, i maybe just an acquaintance to talk about, but for a few, i am a support system to 'talk to'.
the world is full of people-each with his own story called life-own feelings-own dreams-own aspirations-own thoughts-hopes and challenges-ups and downs---yet what we see is just what we want to see,what our perspective makes us see.
we donot see the individuality of each "i", but we characterise them by our own rules.
if we see a poor bus conductor shouting, we will conclude he is short tempered..what if he is irritated because his poor kid is unwell and he can not afford medicines.
if we see a snob teenager, we conclude she has unasked attitude..what if she lost her family ages ago, and the hardships made her what she is.
if we see a rich spoilt brat, we conclude he has not been brought up well..what if he never got his busy parent's attention and devised his ways to keep himself busy.
if we meet a friend's sister, for the first time,we meet her as a friend's sister, and not as an individual she is.
the world is full of people, its upto you to call it a crowd, or look at it as a collection of people.
to call it a crowd gives you a generalised view, but a collection of people makes you treat each one as a living individual- to consider the human part of their life-to treat them accordingly- to judge them individually.

at this very moment, when you are forming an opinion about me, by reading my blog, i maybe doing something that totally contradicts your opinion.
at this very moment,when i am watching Anushka perfrom on TV and getting awed by her glamourous life,fan following..she maybe lazing around in her comfortable bed hoping to get some personal space.
at this very moment, when Ambani could be hurrying to avoid a minutes delay for a multi crore deal, someone could be spending hours under the sun, to look for a job to earn his bread and butter.
while on a same traffic signal, a gentleman in mercedes could be blaming the poor traffic system that makes him struck on road in his AC car..a poor beggar on the same road could be earning his days meal due to traffic.
on the railway platform, a poor kid maybe excited about his first journey outside his village, even if it meant 15 hours in a general compartment..for another gentleman,same 15 hours in AC coach maybe a nightmare as his travel agent couldnot manage flight tickets.
its the same day for everyone- same life- same 24 hours that we all get-yet we make different stories.
each "i" has a life, a story that maybe unnoticed by you, but important for him.

you have your story too, which is already at a better phase than many others, and you have your 24 hours, to decide the important characters in your story, to play the different roles of your story, and to shape the end of your story.
decide the value of "I",the letter that helps in formation of many words."I", the word that helps in formation of many sentences. and"I" the individual, me, that makes an integral part of many stories of the world.
Value each "I"!!