New Guy in the office

New city, new project, new office- my life was suddenly set to witness some major changes. This is what corporate job does to a man- makes him ready to adapt to changes in return for a few extra bucks and some more years added on to the resume.

During the time of recession, and being struck with cliche technologies, in IT world,its a 0-1 situation, either you lose your job, or you lose your dear city. I had to opt for the later. After a lot of pursuation, my manager had agreed to cut short my stay and re assign me a new project in Chennai within 2 months again..yet 1 month away from home was not a very welcoming idea for me.

With a heavy heart,bag full of wonderful memories about the city i had always lived in, and tears in my eyes, I stuffed all my other belongings into two suitcases,ready to accept the challenges that life had to offer.After a comfortable flight of 2 hours, i landed at the Pune airport, apprehensive about the new city, about acceptance of a Tamil guy among the marathi manoos, about my ability to mix up with the people and make some friends.

I didnot know hindi or marathi- so English or Tamil were my only ways to communicate with the busy people in the city. I signalled an auto driver and tried my luck with English, least expecting him to understand. But , the city offered its first surprise to me- The pot bellied driver, with a  white kurta and a ‘gandhi topi’ on head nodded and signalled me to sit. I was pleasantly surprised when without a word, he put the meter on running. i was saved the trouble of negotiating for the fare.:-)

The office was to pay for my accommodation for first 20 days, and so i settled in the luxurious hotel that had a corporate tieup with my office.

The next day, i got up with the excitement of a kid going to school for the first time. After the sumptuous breakfast of ‘meesal pao’ , a dish i had never tasted earlier,and a quick call at my home, I finally reached the office at around 11am. Soon i was introduced to my new team mates- just 3 of us. I was told that other members worked from Sweden. I was a bit disappointed by this discovery. My previous team size was close to 20 and so we all operated from a separate room. This gave us a great chance to know each other and office was a fun because of that interaction we had between work.

But, on the very first day, I figured that Ganesh and Vitthal, my teammates were both marathis and preferred to talk minimal. Most of their conversations were in their own language, which made me a little upset. I was lonely.

There was no one to talk, or nothing to refresh my mood. During the occasional tea breaks, Ganesh and Vitthal preferred to keep quiet, or at times ask about my previous project. They had 7 years of work experience and treated me like a kid, with my 2 years into the corporate world, i was actually a kid! A kid, who was sad  at the uninteresting office environment.

The same continued for around a week. By now, i was quite used to the work life. The work pressure had taken its toll, and or rather i had engrossed myself completely into the new office and its dull life.

The code freeze was scheduled for the next day, and there were still some debugging to be done, so i had to stay a little longer, while Ganesh and Vitthal, bailed out stating some family obligations as an excuse. I was a bachelor, and my room too had no fun to offer, so i was still working.It was around 9 at the office and the workplace was almost empty now.

Suddenly a voice caught my attention.

“Ohh noo….i think i did that mistake Rohit, can you please check if the SAP files are properly installed!Or else i will be doomed.” The innocence in the sound made me smile. It was rightly said that females have the sweetest of voice.

“Rohit! Rohit! Please check na!! ” the girl was restless. I smiled at her.

After a few minutes, a guy replied.” Offcourse madam! Its properly installed.Afterall,you doing mistakes is as unlikely as Siva working overtime”

And both of them laughed.

The careless laughter, which made the hectic  and silent office very lively and cheerful.Although I could not understand much of their joke, but still a smile popped up on my face.

The next day, the code had gone for freeze and so i was comparatively free. The sites like facebook etc are blocked in my office, so I had no other way to pass my time. I was surfing wikipedia to find out the places to visit in pune and its vicinity, when the same voice caught my attention again.

“Hi guys! Very good morning! I am so sorry for being late..there was so much of traffic on the bhel chowk, and then my mother called up, she kept on chitchatting and i just could not put the phone down.Did Siva call for me?” she asked her teammates, all at once.

“Bhel chowk! The name sounded interesting..i had often heard my North Indian colleagues discuss about a dish called Bhel . I had never tasted it. I immediately googled Bhel Chowk, to see what was the place about. Was it some eating joint? I smiled at my own foolishness when i discovered that Bhel chowk was some area in Pune. I further read about more strange names of the places in Pune.

Throughout the day, i kept reading more about Pune., and in between i could hear her occasional conversations with her teammates. Apparently her team had 3 other girls, and Rohit was a guy whom she often asked for help.The other girl had some complicated name and was the most sincere in team- she spoke very less, just like my own teammates.But unlike my team,their team talked in english most of the times, and the ascent of Lavaya made me assume that she was from Tamil.:-)

I assumed that she was a reason for their team to talk in English. I was happy, because unlike me, Lavaya was lucky in that regard..she had good company in an alien city.The sweet voice often dragged her in the talks and was more like the communication center in their team.

I faced my desktop, smiling at her innocence. I even tried to locate her, but the high walls of the cubicles blocked my view from the team that sat on the opposite side.

From the next day onwards, her voice was a part of my day. I still didnot know her name, or her desk number..all i recognised was a sweet and innocent voice- that often got late and offered unasked explanations..that kept on doubting her own work and asking Rohit or Lavaya or another complicated girl’s name for confirming is she was doing alright..the girl who would suddenly sigh loudly and say “bahut pakk raha hai yar” and would start humming some songs.

I smiled whenever she brought upon the topics for discussions..most of the time about the movies….I smiled at her reviews, which she gave in an animated voice with proper expressions and dedication  

She was fascinating..and so were her talks.

Her voice clearly spoke about her mood- in the morning, fresh and energetic..then in the noon,she would feel sleepy and would complain about her lack of sleep due to hectic office..as the evening approached, she would daily start backward counting for the time to leave office.” Rohit, review my code, I have to leave in another 2 hours.” she would chirp.

“Lavaya..I clocked in at 9 AM today..do you think it’s okay if i leave the office at around 6.I have to go to MG road and shop. Will you accompany me?” she had asked with excitement brimming from her voice.

When Lavaya excused herself , saying she had to “complete her office hours..” i could sense the disappointment on the girls tone, when she said a soft “ohhhkaay”.

That very moment i longed to see who was that sweet voice..a person so simple and bubbly.I had known her for almost a month now..still i didnot even know her face or her name.

I focussed hard on listening more and more talks of her team, in hope to catch her name..

My office became interesting because of her talks..though i was in no way involved in their conversation..yet i often smiled and felt involved.

After almost a week, i figured out that her name was Maya. I looked for her name in the people directory of our company and was upset to see over 100 Maya’s listed.

It was impossible for me to find her out or locate her without raising doubts in the minds of Ganesh and Vitthal.

I had always been a shy guy, I knew it was not that difficult to get up and look for her on the benches around..there were hardly 8-9 girls in the rows adjacent to my seat. She had to be one of them..yet i was scared..scared of upsetting her..scared of making her quiet.

Over one month had passed by now.Within that month, i had explored Pune through her eyes.sometimes she mentioned about MG road, and the next day i was curious to visit that place..she talked about the Inorbit Mall, and i had to visit it once. She described about Lavasa and its beauty..the very next weekend i witnessed how well she had described the place. She was like a local guide for me..the only little concern was that she was unaware of being eavesdropped– daily– for around a month now.It made me feel a little guilty,but to befriend her..i had to know her…

One day, i got a call from my manager, confirming that my request for transfer to Chennai had been accepted and I could leave Pune in another 7 days or so..

I was happy about the idea of returning to my own city..and among my own people..yet I knew i would miss Pune..the beautiful city i had explored through the eyes of an unknown girl.

Hectic office had not given me a chance to make any friends in this city..yet i felt connected to Maya…I could recognize her mood by her voice and her mood even changed my mood at times…

I knew this was my last chance..I wanted to talk to her ..just for once.

For the next week, i kept on making plans to face her..to talk to her..i mentally rehearsed the dialogues i would say to introduce myself.I was scared of making her angry. Afterall, i had been evading her privacy for quite a long time now.

It was my last day at the office.Quite surprisingly Ganesh and Vitthal had planned a farewell for me. Over the days we spent as teammates…our relationship had not changed much. They just considered me as a sincere teammate, who was an outsider , non marathi speaker, and who smiled at the conversations of other teams.. Yes, they had noticed me smile, but thankfully, had never mentioned that to save me from the embarrassment.

” Lavaya! I have a headache today. I need a strong coffee! Is anyone coming along?” she asked.

Suddenly my attention was on their team. No one replied to her.

“Comeon guys! Just a 10 minutes break! My head will blast! ” she pleaded.

“Maya, yaar, today you go alone na please…you see Siva is gonna kick us hard if we miss the deadline!” Rohit responded.

On usual days, I knew Maya would not have gone. By now, i had figured it out that she never went alone anywhere- for lunch, for evening tea or snacks, or even for the walk..she was always with her team. That was also a reason, why i had failed in recognizing her till now.I knew the 3 girls , one of them was Maya.But which one, was an unsolved mystery….Today was my last chance to know that!

“Ok Fine!” she clearly was irritated.

My excitement level knew no bounds.This was a chance i had been looking for!

Immediately i locked my computer, and moved towards the coffee machine.Despite the hurry, i did not forget to take the strip of “Disprin” which i always keep in my office bag.

There she was…she was the tallest of the 3 girls in their team.

She had often smiled at me, while passing by my side.

She was the face i had seen almost daily, the voice i had been listening for weeks..the only person who made my stay in pune worthwhile.

I smiled at her….she reciprocated.

She was about to take her cup of coffee towards her desk, when i finally managed to call her name ..

“Excuse me, Maya!” i almost mumbled…

She suddenly stopped.

“how are you?” i asked.

She looked at me , puzzled.

Before she could answer, i offered her disprin. “Take it, It will help in your headache.”

She was all the more confused..still she took it.

“Hi, I am Venkat, from Pega team.” i initiated a handshake.

After initial hesitation, she shook hands with me.

“Hi, I am Maya, from SAP” she introduced herself. Mentally, I smiled at her.I already knew a lot more than that about her.

“Yes, i know!” i confessed.

“How?”  she was obviously surprised.

And then i honestly told her about the unique one sided bond of acquaintance that i had developed with her.

She merely smiled…and quite unexpectedly she even added –” I never knew i talk so much and so loudly. It must have been disturbing for all others! Gosh!!! that’s bad!! I will try to speak softly next time onwards!”

With that we shared our first and the last cup of coffee together, she told me about a few more places that i had not yet visited in Pune..and with that the sweet meeting with my only friend in the new office  ended.

We walked back to our desks, and continued with our work.

After around 20 minutes of settling in, I heard her voice again….

“lavayaaa, you know what, i speak soo loudly.There was this guy from the Pega team around and he…….”"” and then she narrated the incidence to her team.

I merely smiled!

Random Titbits!

There comes a point in life, where all the senseless drama exhausts you, the negativity drains the last drop of strength from your disdained soul and you are left with a thousand questions which seem to have no answer. The monstrous monotony of the routine pulls you down and you feel like running away--hiding in a secluded corner-- away from friends, away from office, away from the worries. You do not know what went wrong, you dont even know how to bring things back on track.In worse cases, you dont even know if there is anything wrong at all. You just feel alone, sad and helpless.....your life feels out of control and that frustrates you.
There are people around, who try to help you, but you are so obsessed about your own dilemmas that you tend to ignore them, or in worse cases even shut yourself away from them..you end up hurting the ones who are closest to you, only to regret that later.
Over the past few months, i have come to conclude that life is not easy- it is just not supposed to be that way.
That is how it is for everyone- every single human!
Every one has to face it all- sometimes loneliness, sometimes sadness, sometimes depression, sometimes failure..and then gradually happiness follows. No one can be exactly in same mood or phase throughout the life.
Somehow,how long one wishes to stay in that mode decides how well he will cope up with it.
Everyone has problems, your ability to deal with them decides your fate. It is okay to be low at times, it is okay to give yourself some privacy and to ponder about the mess around.It is okay to even curse and cry ..but then make sure to get over it completely, and then return stronger!
Never cry over the same problem twice...nor keep your eyes wet for so long that you fail to see the happy days coming.
A close friend once said -"cry as long as you want now,and then we will forget about it!" He made sense!
Another friend once said- "Stay in your den as long as you want, but remember there are people who are willing to drag you out, they are still waiting for you outside. Don't make them wait for too long." He too made sense!
There are always some people who need you..not the sad or depressed you- but the fierce you! Don't underrate or ignore them!When you cant deal with things alone, then don't lock yourself in a room, where no one can come to bring you out.
Life is good! Despite worst situations, good people exist and they care for your well being... buck yourself up, and treat them well! They are the people God has sent as a link to the good days...they help you to look out for small packets of happiness and soon you will collect a bag full of them.
Trust people for your own good!
Every one has setbacks..its natural! Accept it!
If you run away from the situations..they will come running behind you! Stop! Decide how you are going to deal with them! Think! and then Act! once you decide to take control over your own life, things will automatically fall in place.
You are never alone...neither are you the only person having problems in life. Infact you are lucky to have the power to steer your life in any direction that you want! Be the driver or your life, and you will never be alone to travel on the road.


PS: updated the blog after a long long time. :-)
hope I still have some readers here..;-)
Will post soon. Keep smiling till then!

The Interview-- A Short story..

It was around 4 in the noon, Jia was busy giving the last minute touches to her makeup. She rechecked herself in front of the mirror, just one last time before stepping out into the reality of the world- before meeting Kaushik- before the “interview”. Mentally, she revised the long list of questions she had prepared, took a deep breath and brought back the lost smile on her otherwise glowing face. Sometimes, one has to be strong and take bold decisions, move with the flow of life..in the direction that leads to unknown destinations..but that is destiny-The power of fate. The sense of responsibility. The true meaning of love.The saddest irony of life. Looking at her, the radiance of her smile, the serenity of her face and simplicity of her looks, anyone could get flattered. Kaushik was no exception. The light pink salwaar suit reflected on her fair skin. The black kaajal complimented her big and innocent eyes. She was born attractive, but her beautiful heart complimented the looks, and made her a perfect prospect. She was always the one to value relationships, and make sacrifices for her beloved ones. If things were to move her way, she could take all the pain of the world upon herself and still be happy to make others smile. That was exactly what she was doing right now. She hid the deep pain that bore in her heart, the dreams that were shattered, and the hopes that never got fulfilled. Yet, she was satisfied; she was a responsible daughter, who had decided to give up her first love for the love of her parents. She had to go and meet Kaushik, she had to marry him. She loved Anky, but life and love are the most painful things. Moreover, she herself was unsure, if the bonding between her and Anky was that of love, or was it merely a strong friendship, wrongly interpreted as love. Love, what this really meant.People keep writing and talking big and heavy words about it, that it brought pain, it made life miserable. If that was Love, then why people longed for it? Why was life so complicated, could there be no simple parameter to decide these crucial things of life- like love, friendship, future? Life would have been simpler, if there was some way to be self aware, to know your own feelings and define them. If only she could be sure of her own feelings towards Anky, if only she could be confident enough to tell her parents about him, to atleast express her desire to marry him.Maybe they could have given it a thought. Though that was unlikely to happen at this stage. Rejection—the most feared word. No, it was not the time to think about all these”ifs” and “buts”. Things were decided. She was going for the “interview”. That is how she treated it. She was given 2 hours to talk to a guy, discuss all that she wanted, and finally conclude if he could be a life partner. It was similar to the job interviews, only the stakes were much higher. Her life was at stake, her future was at stake. There was no pressure from her parents’ side, neither from Kaushik’s side. They could always “reject” each other—but she was honest atleast to herself. She loved Anky, and could happily live with him forever, but since the practicalities of the real world did not allow them to have a future together, so she was ready to accept whatever life had to offer. She would adjust with whoever her parents thought was suitable for her. This interview was merely a formality now. She knew the outcome of this “interview”.There was no chance of rejection. Their families had discussed this matrimonial alliance, they had interacted a few times over the phone, photographs had been exchanged. Kaushik was smart, well educated, well settled, caring and clearly her parents’ first choice among the many other proposals they had received for Jia. He was not like Anky, but maybe he was good in his own ways. She brushed aside the thoughts of Anky. He was a past now. Kaushik was her future. She picked up her handbag, and left..locking her past behind the doors..marching ahead for the future. She signaled for an auto and directed him to leave for SJS mall. The place where she and Anky often met, the same place where she had finally broken off with him. It was almost a week now, when she was informed about Kaushik and this meeting. Her heart ached revisiting that sleepless night. …the worst conversation she had with Anky- “Jia, I know my stand well. I love you and I am sure about marrying you. Do you love me?” he had put forward the question directly for the first time. The question sent goosebumps for Jia, her heart rejoiced at the proposal she had just received. Tears of joy rolled her down her cheeks. She wanted the time to stop, so that she could live this moment forever. She wanted to shout at her loudest volume—“Yes! Yes! Yes! I love you too..and I want to marry you!!” Instead she softly replied—“I do not know if it is love, yes , you are special. I know I can be happy with you. Life would be perfect if we stayed together. But Anky, we both know it’s not feasible.” And she was silent now..no words could explain the pain in her heart. “It’s not impossible Jia, trust me! Give me some time! You know I am working hard! I get a promotion in next 3 months, and then a salary hike as well. Can’t you give me that much time?” he begged. “I can give you all my time Anky, I have been giving you all my time..for the past so many months..all my time, all my thoughts, all my actions, everything just revolved around you. But, I cannot make promises that I can’t fulfill” “I do not ask you for promises Jia, just convince your parents! 3 months is all that I need!” “Anky, convince them on what basis? What should I tell them-that you may have been the best parents ever, you may be worried about my marriage, you maybe getting excited about seeing me as a bride, you may have hunted for a perfect gentleman with a handsome salary, and good background, you maybe dreaming of a happy future for me! But sorry Mom and dad, I do not care! I want to marry someone who is exactly my age, facing the same career struggle that I face ,who loves me a lot, yet cannot ask you for my hand, nor is in a position to talk to his own parents unless his career reaches some stability.” Her heart ached at the harsh words she had just uttered. But it was a reality. “Jia, I am not yet prepared. Please tell me what should I do, things take some time, I am just 23, I am sure whoever your parents find for you would be older than me..and obviously at a greater career position than me.” “Anky, I am sorry! I cannot hurt my parents. I cannot tell them about us, coz you are not prepared. I cannot cheat them and you by carrying on in this relationship! I want to call it off!” she was shocked at her own decision! “Jia, it’s not about a day or two.But a question of lifetime- would you be able to live forever with someone you don’t love?” “Love happens as you spend some time with a person. My parents had an arranged marriage. They love each other. Your parents had a similar case! Anky, we both have to move on!” There was a moment of deadly silence, of helplessness. He got up and left. Left her, left her life……. She got up, and left for her home in opposite direction… It had been a week and they had not talked. Each minute they thought of one another, yet, they succumbed to fate. It was her fate, that she had to meet Kaushik…maybe Anky too would meet someone soon. The auto came to a halt. She had reached SJS. As she stepped into the mall to meet Kaushik, a message beeped into her phone. She was relieved to hear from him , after 7 long days. She did not care, if Kaushik was waiting for her..she opened the message that read--- “Today is the turning point of your life dear. All the best. Go and talk with an open mind, it’s a question of your life..make a wise decision..i cannot let my princess go to someone who does not deserve her. Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. I loved a girl and the memory of that love is enough for me to spend entire life. I understand your concern for your parents and my inability to convince them about us at this stage. I have no doubts that together , we could be the happiest couple..but maybe fate has something else in store..You don’t feel bad about anything..you are playing your role of a daughter..play it with perfection- like you play all other roles- a friend, a lover, a girlfriend and most important a companion through thick and thin. Now go on..your future awaits you…..” Just then her phone vibrated, it was Kaushik’s call, he was waiting for her….

Single or committed-does that matter? I am happy!

I recently saw the movie- Pyaar ka punchnama, I know its very late to give a review of the movie..nor am I doing the same..but the movie left me in a trance. It made me ponder what basically love is, or is there anything called love at all? That day I read all the facebook status messages or the posts about the love and tried to figure out the emotions behind them and when I read them consciously, not just for the sake of liking or commenting on them, then I realized the sad irony that most of them spoke of heartbreak, or sadness, or pain, of trying to forget the other person, of trying to move on, some were even shockingly to the extent of cursing their ex lovers ! It made me go back and think upon the very fundamental behind this most popular trend of today’s gen next- quick fix relationships. Here I would like to request those who are committed or in a happy relationship to skip reading further, as maybe you do not like or agree to my viewpoints. For you guys, love is an eternal feeling that gives strength and makes everything look good! I totally respect and agree to your opinions..but presently I talk about not so sweet love relationships. Those who have had atleast two relationships till date..or those who have always been happily single..i may make some sense to you! Well, is falling in love just about one person proposing, the other one giving it a thought, then remembering all the good times spent together, of all the jokes where you laughed, or the innocence of the proposal, or the special feeling when with that person, of how the times that seem to fly when with that person …and then you feel life is incomplete without that person..that when these few days of acquaintance can be so joyous..why not say yes and have a wonderful life forever! So after so called giving it a thought, the other person says a “YES” and then it all begins. Then suddenly you feel like sharing all details small and big of how your day was, how your mood is , talk more often, spend time together, laugh even more, and that is when you feel committed to that person. The person feels like an indispensible part and you build boulevards of dreams, a fantasy world above the common crowd, you feel special, that your love life is different from the world, that you are perfect together. But as you discover more of the person, the otherwise neglected things also become noticeably wrong! And since you share each and every detail..you lose your privacy..you try to seek more attention and then the very essence of the relationship starts losing its effect.

You no longer laugh as freely as you used to do, because most of the time is passed in resolving the issues. You no longer feel the same excitement in meeting that person, because you already are glued on phone 24/ 7 and there is practically nothing to talk about. Some people go to the extent of talking sweet and cheesy stuff, building the dreams of future, but when it comes to even small matters like not picking up the call within 4 rings..you fight upon it! Do you expect to make a future out of such relationship, where such small matters initiate a brawl! Sorry folks, but rewind your good days- when you talked because you wanted to, not had to! That could have been love..but love does not need to give pains..if it starts getting a pain in the neck..it’s always better to give each other some time off..rethink if that “yes” was said in a haste..or was that proposal made just because everywhere around we see people getting commited! Its okay to be single, but do we really need to hurry into relationships and later regret ! Its not just a fashion trend to be in a relationship..its really ok if you just have many friends and a peaceful life! You do not need to take your good friendships to a newer level, from where it becomes difficult even to remain “just friends”! So before proposing to someone, rethink! Do you need to label your relationship? Are you really serious and look for a future together? Or do you want to enjoy being in relationship for some time , then start facing the woes associated with it and end up a otherwise beautiful relationship on non talking terms! Being single is fun!